DR. TeRRoR's BLoG oF HoRRoRs

Songs That Need a Soundtrack: Ideas for Songs in Your Next Horror Movie

2012-02-07T04:40:00.000-08:00

Recently I wrote a strange piece by the name of “Run,Chicken Run: How a Storyboard Comes Off a Soundboard” for The Liberal Dead thatdetailed the formation of a movie plot by assembling scenes based on individualsongs. It was partially written to give spotlight to different ways in whichpeople might use the creative process to get off their butts and write screenplays.Not that I’ve followed through and written anything, but there’s somethingcathartic about getting an idea down on paper… or internet… or whatever placewe choose to jot down our ideas. The world is our notepad.

In keeping with the spirit of that article I wanted to pen ashort list of songs that should absolutely be used in film soundtracks. Thinkof this as a crib sheet of ideas from which to draw full length scripts. Notthat you’ll ever get the rights to use them, but if we can dream screenplaysthen we can dream the soundtracks that go with them. No harm, no foul (untilthe SOPA police takeaway our blogging license).

This is by no means a complete list of anything. It’s reallyjust a few songs I think would sound bloody great in a film. I’ve given alittle bit about the scene that might be the visual to the audio track. Havefun and by all means leave comments about your favorite songs/scene combos.Maybe someone can help make your ideas manifest in celluloid form (yes,celluloid).

Il cielo in una stanza by Mina and the Mike Patton’s coverthere of

Mina

vs.Patton

When I hear this song I instantly think of gialli. It begsto be the used in the opening scene of a Martino film, but to my knowledge wasnever actualized in film. Compliment the Mina version (there are other versionsI assure you) with the Patton redux released on his Mondo Cane album and youhave a nice pairing of songs that may be the same but have different presence.I would use them in the same film; both versions to accentuate differentaspects of a character or perhaps to tie two separate murders together.

Sweet Soul Sister by The Cult

80’s hair metal is totally dead although I say the Cult ison the very border of metal and hard rock with the drug habit of a metal album.I’ve had visions of using this song in a werewolf picture, Jekyll and Hyde or aPaul Naschy/Horrors Rises from the Tomb ghost from the grave picture. It’s allin that opening organ solo that transitions into an 80’s rock song that you’dsure as hell find somewhere in horror circa 1988.

Patterns of Evil by Electric Wizard

Say hello to good old fashion 70’s drudge metal done with amodern twinge. Before there was thrash there were bands that played thick riffsthat scraped your ear drum with an emery board. Patterns of Evil is as good aselection as any Electric Wizard song as their distinctive twist on old metalriffage yields a plethora of useable soundtrack material. Patterns of Evil isperfect for “bringing out the baddy” or the moment where your evil seduceswhomever needs seducing. Return Trip andBlack Mass would also be excellent selections for a soundtrack. If you areunfamiliar with Electric Wizard I can assure you you’ll enjoy the album arteven if you don’t adore the music.

The Call of Ktulu/Hanger 18 combo by Metallica and Megadethrespectively

Megadeth - Hanger 18

I would love to see a filmmaker get the license to use thesetwo songs in conjunction. Given the similar/same riff in both songs it wouldtie scenes together nicely in the same way that the Mina/Mike Patton usage ofIl cielo in una stanza might do. I’ve often thought that given the subjectmatter in each song, a film that ties those two subjects together might justwork. Think of the old ones meets alien life forms in whatever way you want tosmash them together. I’ve mused about atrilogy of films with this underlying theme, but I’m afraid the funding mightas well come from making one film a proven genre and the use the profits fromthat to make the twelve apostle movies (in other words in Ed Woodian/Plan 9fashion).

What? By Rob Zombie

Sure, Rob could use his own music in his own god damn moviesif he so chooses, but this one needs to be latched on to by Heir indyfilmmaker. It definitely makes a film gyrate. If you wanna know how to use thissong just look at any Rob Zombie movie. He uses his own songs in his ownpictures constantly and to great effect. His songs are best used in transitionsbetween darker scenes; Save the original score for truly haunting sequences andpop in “What?” when you’re getting ready to build up your audience to acreatively violent death scene. Might work in a driving sequence or in a drugbinge.

The Haunting of Julia score by Richard Loncraine

Sure it was used in a movie in the 70’s that nobody hasbothered to transfer to DVD (unless on the down low) but this soundtrack hasthat Rosemary’s Baby creep out, dream sound that will spook up your movie.Synthesizer, piano and the movie friggin’ stars Rosemary Woodhouse… or MiaFarrow as you probably know her better. I am a fan of using soundtracks ofclassic films over and over. Tarantino does it to great effect as has Eli Roth.Did you see what the Treevenge folks did with the theme from CannibalHolocasut? Genius! Just go back and watch the movie and listen to the score forthe effect this song would have on a ghost story. It’ll make your melancholycharacter tie the noose just a little bit tighter and pull on the heart stringsof your audience.

Lifeless Dead by Mad Season

Layne Staley is dead, but his voice is all over the post-grunge era. Mad Seasonwas Staley’s other project alongside Alicein Chains. While it never reached the success of Chains, Mad Season left itsmark on more than a few 90’s X’ers. This particular song has a stellar amountof reverb on the guitars that gives the listener the feeling of an echoing tombor castle. Maybe perfect for the teenager in a haunted (name your location)film. When you want a scene to sound big, you can turn to Mad Season.

Bodom Beach Terror by Childrenof Bodom

I’m not gonna lie. I love this song. It’s just a fun metalsong with some nice organ music, some killer solos that might as well beperformed on a synthesizer but I assure you are played on a delicious flying Vguitar. This song demands a soundtrack entry. The title alone should guide youto the best placement for these songs. I could see it in movie like Creature ofthe Black Lagoon, your favorite shark flick (no CGI please) or the latestincarnation of Blood Beach or Horror at Party Beach.When your thinking surf’s up you should be thinking of this song. Incidentallythe name of the song and band are derived from the Lake Bodommurders. Double your horror, double your fun. I urge you to enjoy the Hate Crew Deathrollalbum if you’re a metal/horror lover.

Our Town by Iris DeMent

I first heard this song on the popular local college radiostation in Hackettstown, NJ,WNTI out of Centenary College. I had just wokenup and heard this strange twangy almost off key country music asking me to “saygoodbye to our town”. The song stuck with me and pretty much every time I see amovie that’s based on the outskirts of town or in the country that is about toexperience an alien invasion or demonic possession I think Iris Dement. It’sgot that old time “end of days” feel mixed with a sentimental nostalgia thatmight hit you square between the pectorals.

I Get It and Delivery by Chevelle

Delivery

You want an extraterrestrial showdown song that will takethe Pepsi challenge with the song “Uprising” by Muse or even “Battle without Honor or Humanity” by TomoyasuHotei? I give you “I Get It’. With thundering bass and bombastic choralinterlude this song demands a battle test. Aliens would be nice maybe evenGodzi… but I’ve said too much. You could probably fit this one into any battlescene in any movie, but the overall library of Chevelle songs have a scifi/horror feel. They even have an album called Sci Fi Crimes. I bet they’re fanboys just like you and me. Pair the song with a lesser known offering fromChevelle “Delivery” that might act as a good chase song or “getting our weaponsready to kick the monsters ass” song. Your monster will thank you later. No, it won’t. It will be dead.

You’ve Got Yellow On You Week 3: The Giallo Challenge Continues and Continues and Continues…

2012-02-07T04:20:00.000-08:00

This was an exceptionally slow week because my Netflixaccount was co-opted by my family’s thirst for Star Wars and the release of ThePhantom Menace in 3-D. While I can safely say that this is my least favoriteentry in the series, at least there are 3-D worthy moments in the pod racesequence. We’ll see if it lives up to the marketing.

This week we had some truly great pieces of cinema. If allthe weeks I spend in the yellow were as intriguing as this I’d learn Italianand start drinking nothing but J&B. As it is in I’m sure I’m in for somewhoppers in the coming months.

I’ve started to exhaust Netflix related rental options andwill begin looking to Blockbuster’s online selection shortly. While I realizethat Blockbuster Online is the great Satan (and Netflix is too to a lesserextent) I have to prevent myself from purchasing or obtaining through “other”means. With over 200 titles to go it would be impossible for me to purchase allthe remaining films. I ask that if youhave a substantial gialli collection and would like ton contribute by lendingto me I would be most appreciative.

Still plenty to watch but for how long? On to this weeksresults in as little detail as possible to keep you guessing just a secondlonger than would take you to change the channel on your cable ready televisionset.

Four Flies On Grey Velvet: This is Ennio and Argentotogether which pretty much means the crème de la crème. This one features sometruly stunning kills, the perfect masked killer and you have to appreciate agolden club as a bludgeoning weapon. The camera actually follows the club as itkills. It can make you nauseous. You like giallo, you’ll love this. It won’t belong till Ennio and Argento clash and stop working together (enter Goblin)

The Night Evelyn Came Out of the Grave: I like to think ofthis one as a love story… with WHIPS AND MURDER! It’s got hot women, greatmusic, filmed beautifully and definitely creepy. Now this is what marriage isall about… dying. Also, the live performance by the band will give you achuckle. The copy I watched was one of the worst dubs in the history of cinema.The sets made me feel like I was shopping in that high end story Anthropologie.Oh, and what’s with all the god damn hand shaking!? I can’t say that theeffects in this flick were “good” but boy did they may me think of some of myfavorite Spanish horror. Emilio Miraglia… well done but the worms are stillwaiting.

Perfume of the Lady in Black: I love that gialli andwitchcraft go so well together. They almost compliment each other like gialliand J&B (that makes a cameo appearance). It’s an eerie movie with amarvelous keyhole shot that will stand out. Nice twist ending.

Fifth Cord: I’m always pointing out the music in giallibecause Ennio gave you something to praise. This movie is no exception. Whenyou’re watching one of these movies and you say to your “wow, this music isairy and surreal with lots of strange voices and trumpet” you know that it’sEnnio. This one comes off just a little like a soap opera but with betteractors. Some nice kills with the essential stylistic camera work and sexy sexyladies with one of the best ending sequences chock full of action with the kindof wrap up you’d expect from Angela Landsbury. If you take nothing else fromthis movie adapted from a book know that “It’s bad for you not to make love,you know?” Luigi Bazoni makes a nicegiallo picture.

I’m in the middle of a classic at the moment, but we’ll savethat for next time since I can’t give you the full run down. The openingsequence that plays the killer as seductor is well worth the watch and mayrequire you to change your shorts if you’re not careful (this is how crude wecan be when we’re not being artsy fartsy).

-Dr. Terror

Murder, Murder, Murder, Rap, Murder: Songs In the Key of Murder (Review)

2012-02-01T04:45:00.000-08:00

MC Randumb and Jewish Dave, two rappers outta Las Vegas, whose new project Songs in the Key of Murder has risen out of the ashes of The Polar Bear MC's (aka The Killa Korpse Gangstaz). What might you expect from horror rap in the new millennium post-Insane Clown Posse and Grave Diggaz success? I have absolutely no idea. Why? Because I'm not a huge fan of horror rap. That isn't to say that I dislike rap at all. I'll be the first person at a party to throw on some Run DMC or Public Enemy perhaps a little Judgement Night Soundtrack, but horror rap despite having the word horror in the subgenre has not musically or lyrically spoken to me. Oh I'm open to suggestions. If you have a horror rap act that you think I might dig by all means shut me down now and let me take a listen, but until that time know that I'm writing this review as a "spectator". Horror rap...not my thing (except 1-800-Suicide by the Grave Diggaz and that was included on the Tales From the Crypt: Demon Knight Soundtrack). I even like Psychobilly and Horror Punk, horror movie scores and even sound effects loops (I love sound effects loops).

What I want to tell you about MC Randumb and Jewish Dave will be spoken to fans of this subgenre or horror rap. I'm going to try and circumvent my distaste for the style and work within the framework of what I know about other acts that are lumped in to this category. This is not to be taken as a finger shaking, less in morality because the fucking world knows that we don't need another Tipper Gore. I'm going to offer some suggestions based on what I've heard work in some of my favorite horror related music, but also recognize dear reader that these guys do a few things quite well.

First off this album has a great cover. Songs in the Key of Murder features a girl with quality headphones staring at a computer monitor displaying our dastardly duo with her ears spilling copious blood. Before I listened to the music itself I realized that we had a couple of comedians. I think that the horror rap gaggle of artists has tongue firmly in cheek when writing. Think less Cannibal Corpse, serious about murdering your mother and more Nekromantix, we want to tell you a joke and make a few excellent puns (yes I love Psychobilly ironically). If you received an album like this on full fledged vinyl you would showcase it to your friends. The title itself pulls from the contemporary naming convention for classical albums, but one must ask himself, "what is the key of murder?"

Each song title on the album includes the word "murder" as in "Murder 4 Fun", "Musta Been Murda", "Shut Your Mouth (Or You're Gonna Get Murdered)", "The Murder Bros"... you get the point (see full track listing over at bandcamp.com SONGS IN THE KEY OF MURDER. As I've said before, you've got a couple of comedians who are going to give you a rap ride on the horror side. I'll admit that a chuckled through the song titles. This type of humor speaks to horror fans. We like clever plays on words in our naming convention. Historically, horror likes to make us laugh just as much it wants to make us piss ourselves with fright. I can definitely appreciate the effect of naming every song on the album with the word "murder" in the title.

The content contained within each track... that's a horse of a different color. The songs feature repetitive use of the word "murder", but what you begin to realize is that the cadence with which the chorus is repeated has a similar feel and the melody is near identical (not always but more than I'd care for in any album). Between the choruses you have some fairly generic kill scenes with rap leanings, but I'm not a fan of overly serious mentions of shooting anyone in a song. I need a story that leads up to a kill and not simply a kill when it comes to this type of violence . If the violence is creative in some way, I can get behind that too. I'm not a fan of some of the misogynistic lyrics. I know that both aspects that I have been critical of our somewhat common themes in horror rap, so let me reiterate that it's not that these topics are included, but I would prefer more creative kills and a little more love when it comes to the ladies. I listen to friggin' Motley Crue and they sang "Girls, Girls, Girls", so I understand that it's not all puppy dogs, box o' chocolate and romance, but let's not stick anything anywhere the ladies don't want us to... unless of course it's violent and creative and we can realize that your telling a story and not giving a command. I don't believe that Randumb and Dave are bad guys, or that the intent was to be anything other than comedy or genre adherent, but I'd prefer to have seen a unique use of these subject matters if they must use these stereotypes. I like porn as much as the next juggalo (that's what the ICP fans call themselves right... EEP!) Great, now that I've taken the whole thing too seriously and lost all my street cred.. let me telling you what you'll like about this album.

If you're a fan of the genre than you'll like this album. Song construction and quality are good and overall it has some comedic moments. You'll probably want to drink at least a Four Loko before cranking this up. The intro track let's you know your in for a comedy filled romp and the song titles should clue you in. Don't expect a deep seeded emotional experience. There's blood and gore and sex and MURDER. If you can get behind that you'll enjoy the listen.

What I would have loved to change about this album besides the lyrical content providing more narrative is the use of segues. Add more transitional tracks with MC Randumb & Jewish Dave talking. You can tell they're funny guys and breaking up the murder monotony with some colorful dialogue would be a sweet touch. This ain't Abbey Road and this ain't a" medley of murder" (yes, I just went there). I would also like to see mixes that do not throw the vocals in your face. These fellas have musical talent. It'd be nice to showcase some deeper mixes that build the creep out tonally and not just relaying on lyrics to carry the murder message. Some of these mixes you've heard before, some will feel fresh. You pick.

<p>&amp;amp;amp;lt;p&amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;a href="http://mcrandumbjewishdave.bandcamp.com/album/songs-in-the-key-of-murder"&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;Songs In The Key Of Murder by MC Randumb &amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp; Jewish Dave&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;/a&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;lt;/p&amp;amp;amp;gt;</p>

The album ends with a cliffhanger, and you wonder what the sequel will be. As MC Randumb & Jewish Dave work to perfect their craft I wish them well. More album covers like this guys. Overall this type of music does not appeal to me, but music with a horror direction is close to my heart. Let's see what the next incarnation of these two fiends brings us. You can purchase the album through the link included with the article and sample some of their offerings. At $5 for download, you won't murder your wallet trying to get hip with this murder duo.

One last thing before I go... This comedic due is using a murder game to promote their album. Very ingenious. It's not going to push you past the limits of Frogger, but moving bodies around a graveyard is a pretty great way to spend a Friday night don't you agree? Hilarious.Follow the link to play.

SONG IN THE KEY OF MURDER: THE VIDEO GAME

Enjoy responsibly on Facebook Facebook of MC Randumb and Jewish Dave

-Dr. Terror

You've Got Yellow On You: Week Two of the Giallo Challenge

2012-01-31T04:01:00.000-08:00

While week one of the giallo challenge got off to a ratherintense pace, week two was slightly more subdued. That doesn’t mean that Ididn’t watch as much god damn giallo as any one could possibly stomach, but Ihad to fit a few other key pieces of reviewable material into the mix. It’sbecome apparent that best of lists exist for a reason. Going through the good,the bad and the boring is an uncertain path. You never know when you’re goingto find an unnoticed gem. So far the gems have been more or less noticed onvarious best of lists. A worst of list would be most appreciated.

It might interest you to know that I don’t only like thehorror genre (no… YES!). I don’t get to watch films outside of my little worldoften enough and should really make time to do so in a year that isn’t jampacked with challenges. With the giallo challenge, the Video Nasty challengeand now considering an Amicus challenge (that would be finishing off the fewremaining Amicus flicks I haven’t watched) any deviation from the horrorwatching course could be damning to one or all three of my ventures. So we’llsave the month without a horror movie challenge for a less intense year.

Now on to the yellow:

Killer Likes Candy: It’s early yet for giallo in 1968. Idon’t really know this director (let’s not discuss Playboy 70 Mr. Owens!) andthe film doesn’t have that polished look that giallo will get once Argento getsahold of it in a couple years. The music is more Mary Tyler Moore, lessjazz/progressive. It’s the most boring film I’ve seen in years. I actually lostthe fight to stay awake. Please do not be fooled by the strange name. It’srated PG for fuck’s sake!

Seven Blood Stained Orchids: It’s got excellent music.Excellent kills. Hot women. The cats near the milk bowl scene is classic (trustme). I love the way shots were framed in this movie and the color is rich. Iwanted to scream, “stop tickling that girls belly!” Body paint? Really? Random!Best quote: “I never met the bitch, and I don’t give a shit”. Never doubt anUmberto Lenzi picture.

Do You Like Hitchcock?: The production value is juststrange. I think I would have expected higher quality from Argento. Thereferences to Hitchcock may sound like fun novelty, but I found it ineffective,the story boring and the film fairly typical of latter Argento… not worth thewatch.

What Have You Done to Solange?: Massimo Dallamano is thedirector on this one. His credits include Cinematographer on For A Few Dollarsmore and A Fistful of Dollar, so you really have high expectations for thisone. He lives up to his history. With Ennio backing him up on music and CamilleKeaton in what appears to be her first role I find it hard not to love thismovie. Good era for giallo films with magnificent kills that will make thewomen folk just a wee bit uncomfortable. There’s a lovely shower scene to watchout for. Also have you ever seen a gold shark tooth necklace? You will (andyou’ll be turned on… swingin’! Great story with a nice finish. Well done Mr.Dallamano.

The Scorpion Has Two Tails: With Sergio Martino beyond the camera and Saxon in front ofthe lens you’d think the film would be stunning. Not so. This picture has onlyone thing going for it, the god damn poster. I adore the poster. I liked iteven better when it was used for House by the Cemetery. I guess theoverwhelming use of maggots can’t be discounted either. Do Italians have moreaccess to live insect larvae then other countries?

The Card Player: Everyone talks shit about this movie. Ireally enjoyed it as the exception to the rule about modern Argento films (seepreviously mentioned So You Like Hitchcock? Review). Some good acting, nicepremise… boy am I glad that I don’t gamble. Giallo always use the retractablerazorblade kill. I’m glad that it’s held up. There’s a slow spot in the middleof the film that I could do without. Also, if you’re going to do a littleSilence of the Lambs borrow, please chose an orifice other than thenostril.

Killer Nun: I truly do not believe that this is giallo.Nothing about this screams murder mystery, thriller. If I want to see nunsdoing obscene things I have a Ken Russell movie with my name on it. The nunsare barely nude for all the hype I’ve read. Utterly boring. Question: Why dosome nuns have white habits and some have black habits? Different sects?Denominations? Easier to life size chess?

Until next week, may your skies be a sickly shade ofAmarillo and your gloves be black leather.

-Dr. Terror.

THE HOWLING REBORN aka Where'd You Put the Peepshow Booth, Eddie?

2012-01-27T04:17:00.000-08:00

Before I watched the movie I’m about to review I want to letyou know that I had heard some fairly damning opines of it. While there areplenty of folks whose opinions I hold in high regard that slammed dunked thisfilm good and proper, I still find it important if not compulsive to watcheverything I possibly can. You never know what nugget of originality orsprinkle of effects work might be worth telling ya’ll about. While there was nodoubt in my mind that the negative opinions of said film could be accurate andmost likely were spot on, I absolutely had to see this supposed can of dog foodmyself. And was it worth the watch? Yes.

The Howling Reborn was worth watching solely to trash it.Now I’m not exactly a fan of reviewing movies just to trash them and very oftenI find that action by others inappropriate. I do not find it inappropriate inthis particular case. When you claim to give rebirth to a genre favorite afteryears of questionable, if not hilarious sequels and rumors of a new installmenthave left you longing for the days when you might find Eddie Quist standingbehind you in an adult movie theater. Let me assure you with every ounce of mybeing that The Howling Reborn adds absolutely nothing to the werewolfmythology. It is, at best, a harsh attempt to steer tweens to Team Jacob ratherthan Team Edward and maybe play on the success of MTV’s “re-imagining” of theshow Teen Wolf (which I would prefer to left Michael J. Fox, Jason Bateman andthat bad ass 80’s cartoon that kept me wishing I was Scott Howard for at leastthree solid years of my life).

My Synopsis:

Kid figures out, the hard way, that he’s a werewolf afterbeing attacked by a werewolf. Kid goes to high school, has girl troubles,eventually figures out that the pack is after him to make a decision betweenthe furry and the not so furry, conflict between boy and girl, conflict betweenmother and son, um… metaphor for modern American family/teenager that I mayhave forgotten about and then somebody dies… you figure it out.

Synopsis from the Anchor Bay:

On theeve of his high school graduation, Will Kidman (Liboiron) finally looks up fromhis books to catch the eye of the girl he’s longed for the last four years –themysterious Eliana Wynter (Shaw). He’s always been the shy kid, flying under theradar, but when he discovers a dark secret from his past— that he is heir to apowerful line of werewolves -- he finds he has a choice to make betweensuccumbing to his primal nature, or turning against his own, and maintaininghis humanity. In order to fight the destiny of his legacy, and save Eliana – aswell as himself – he must battle not only his growing blood lust but an army offearsome beasts bent on killing him, Eliana...and then, us all.

Savethe CGI wolf out for Underworld...but was the Howling Reborn predominantly CGI? From a Howling picture I expect better practicaleffects and they better be executed well. If that’s not possible, I expecthilarious metamorphosis effects that leave me in stunning disbelief at what myfranchise has become, but either way I want real effects. Sure the effects teamthat produced Howling Reborn’s effects is Oscar worthy, but this ain’t a videogame. Strangely enough the director has been very clear that due to budgetaryreasons the film used MOSTLY PRACTICAL EFFECTS. I am in stunned disbelief athow digitized the whole picture looks. In an interview he even made mention to filmshaving a video game quality to them and he was trying to avoid that. I’m afraidhe did not succeeds. That’s what I feel we got in this anti-installment of theHowling series. Somehow, Anchor Bay managed to takeTwilight and ram into a console video game and forgot to give us access to thereset button. I guess this makes me just another CGI basher, right? No, there’sno CGI to bash! This is different. A series that was founded during ageneration of practical effects that exceeded the special effects standards ofthe day and whose effects continue to be embraced by an adoring cult followingmust be held to a higher level of expectation. That does not mean the film inquestion needs to avoid CGI completely, but the team responsible better makedamn sure that they’re at least on par with the original. The Thing prequel isa perfect example. Love it or hate it at least the effects team was tasked tomake the film’s physical effects as near as impressive as the original and didso with both physical and computer generated effects. There’s not reason toskimp on the physical, and when the computer generated effects falls short ofeffects made in the 80’s, well… So why does the Howling Reborn look digitized?Only the post crew knows for sure. Bronxcheers your way back to the Big Hollywood (even though I’d say that Anchor Bayreally ain’t big, big Hollywood).

If I’mputting this on the same level as Twilight then you know what I think of theacting. Melodramatic, teen romance level performances with an emo kick thatmight as well turn Tabascosauce into Johnson’s Baby Oil. I’mafraid there isn’t a Dee Wallace among the cast (and we sure do miss her cute,puppy dog wolf out). Somebody let me know when teen acting in films of thisnature are actually worth the watch. I’d like to think that we have enoughtalented teens actors who can be inspired by directors to give performancesthat don’t make me feel like I’m in sixth grade. Or was that that point? Afterseeing the actors of Let the Right One In and even the American counterpart LetMe In, I’m holding younger actors to a higher standard in the horror industry.Be honest and less angsty please.

Did Icollapse my soapbox yet? Which part of this review would you find unfair? Theonly thing that this film just might be able to do is bring a new audience toan old franchise, and then we would need to gently explain to them what awerewolf really is and how the pulsing and throbbing associated with the wolfmetamorphosis are no truly sexual in nature no matter what metaphor they weretold to look out for by their high school English teacher. You know what the Howling Reborn reallyneeded? Marsupials and maybe Christopher Lee in his only starring werewolfrole. Also maybe Dick Smith… dead or alive we love him. I would also accept asa response, a better tag line. Try Stirba Werewolf Bitch on for size… eventhough there isn’t a character named Stirba in reborn at least it would lendthe film some class.

-Dr. Terror

Alligator Men With Immovable Jaws Do Not Eat People: Creature Reviewed

2012-01-27T03:57:00.000-08:00

All I can say is thank friggin’ god that someone realized that Eggs had some serious talent tooffer the horror industry. Mehcad Brooks may have been amazing in season two ofTrue Blood, but he needs a few more horror related starring roles. I enjoy hisstyle of acting and before I tear up 2011’s release of the film Creature, I’mgonna tell you that it’s just not his fault. He didn’t make this a bad flick.If you watch this movie (and you just may) then you need to recognize that it’sa bad film, but it has a few high notes.

Basically, take the cross country trip of House of 1000Corpses, insert a bayou setting, a great big alligator legend and a whole lotless chaos and you have Creature. When a roadside stop into a convenient storeturns into a hunt for a croc man (not Dr. Satan) a group of unsuspecting youngfolks must fight for their lives to survive an Alligator Man style assault.

I want you to think of those SyFy original hybrid monstermovies. You know the type. Dinosnake, Snakeosaurus, Sharktopus… It’s not quitethat but the same audience might appreciate the poor effects work even ifthere’s a lack of CGI. I think of Manster meets the Creature from the BlackLagoon or The Alligator People. No comparison to an existing monster movie isentirely accurate, but Creature pales in comparison to their gorgeous and muchappreciated sense of cheese anyway. Creature suffers mostly from its inabilityto laugh at itself. Monster movies of any kind cannot take themselves tooseriously. Think about why Tremors worked so well. Giant monsters worms in thedesert. Why does that even appeal to a modern audience. Comedy. A little tongueand a whole lotta cheek. You know whatreally bites my banana about the actual rubber suit, creature? It’s not thehackneyed design or even the boring fight sequences that the costume affords.It’s the immoveable frickin’ jaw (yes, I spelled friggin’ differently this timebecause it FELT different)! It comes off like a decent Halloween mask, but lessof an impressive creature effect. If they were making mandibles for thePredator in the 80’s we can do better than close up shots of a badly moldedappliance). Maybe you like your monster with extra sharp teeth to have animmoveable jaw, but I personally need realistic range of motion.

Sid Haig! Why? That’s what I’ve wanted to ask ever since Iwatched it. I think that it sounded like a fun script. We’re we all fooled bythe poster, trailer and synopsis? Eh, his performance is as good as the movieallows it to be. My only qualm there, the thing that I have trouble justifyingis that he felt strongly enough about this film to assist in its theatricalpush.

If I movie’s prowess was based on the quality of naked womanin the film, Creature would be an overachiever and second to none, but unfortunately,this is not a skin flick. This is a poorly choreographed, poorly effected,waste of a good story line. That’s not to stay that you can’t find bits andpieces of entertainment, but you’ll demand more. You’ll say, “how come thefirst five minutes gave me a nice gusher gore sequence with awesome lookingblood followed by a stop at the Spirit of Halloween store?” Were theirbudgetary issues?

You’ll ask yourself throughout the run time of the picture,“How did this movie get a major theatrical release? Star power?... Star man?”There’s no reason to release a movie like this on the big screen. Sid Haig’sBubble Factory put it out, but I’m afraid that they jumped the gun (how did thetest screenings go?) The only thing beneficial that came out of the widerelease of this film was the rad slap bracelet I was able to pick up at MonsterMania in Cherry Hill, NJ. They had a nice booth set up. Top notch.It actually got my hyped to see the movie until the god damn director came outagainst bloggers. I won’t hold that against the movie as its unfair to everyoneinvolved who didn’t make ignorant comments toward the fans that would actuallybe the ones who could make or break this movie. I’ll save my personal vendettaagainst him for a “re-imagining” of Mark of the Devil. He’ll make an excellentscapegoat, torture slut. At least he gets to take all the credit on this flophaving written and directed. Hey, maybe we’d all make good torture sluts inwitch hunter semi-porn but the difference is, we’d blog about it afterward. Ifthere’s one thing that a movie doesn’t need it’s a boring set of killsespecially when it shows up in theaters. Horror doesn’t need any more fodderfor the Eberts of the world to point their derision loaded fingers at. That’sfor us “bottom feeders” to do during moments of self reflection.

Terror has Teeth? Terror needs to see a dentist.

-Dr. Terror (Yes, I have teeth... some of them anyway)

A Love Story with Hillbillies: Tucker & Dale vs. Evil

2012-01-24T16:15:00.000-08:00

How do you like your hillbillyhorror? Are you a Mother’s Day fan? Notthe remake, but the Kaufman original? Maybe you prefer a slightly more educated variety of hillbilly to whichI might suggest Motel Hell. Maybe you’re headed through the hills of West Virginia and arefeeling a little Wrong Turn. They’re all fine movies. The hillbilly horrorgenre endures to this day with a remake of Mother’s Day out, Wrong Turn 5000making an appearance and…oh yeah… TUCKER & DALE VS. EVIL! How do you put anew spin on the backwoods hick with a hatchet turning your brothers and sistersinto barbeque? Just ask Eli Craig, Tyler Labine and Alan Tudyk.

The movie follows two completelydifferent groups of individuals headed to the woods for a bit of R and R. Groupone is a bunch o’ college kids, drunk on daddy’s money with the intent ofgetting brewed and screwed. Group two is Tucker and Dale, two friends going torestore their newly purchased bungalow in the woods. When the two meet upstereotypes take over and of course, gory, bloody murder abounds (best not givetoo much away) along side an adventure into self worth and an exploration whatit truly means to be intelligent.

Tucker & Dale is to thehillbilly horror film what Shaun of the Dead is to the zombie genre; a play onstereotypes, nearly self aware and with tongue stapled to cheek. Let’s face itthere isn’t much you can do in hillbilly films that wasn’t already tackled in2000 Maniacs back in the 60’s. Sure, you can build a better redneck, find a newoff beat hellhole as the setting or give your hillbilly a bigger better axe.Tucker & Dale works because it builds a kinder, gentler redneck; downrightloveable. Craig has taken the very things you fear most about this group ofpeople that have been content to be the aggressors in films and given them aheart and a mind. That’s not to say that we don’t absolutely adore hillbillyfilms. We do. I’m ok with Wrong Turn X and remake any god damn thing you want,but we it’s nice to be cheering for bad guy who’s not actually a bad guy at all.

Tucker (Tyler Labine) is so gosh darnhuggable in only a way that a man in a set of overalls wielding a power toolcan be (yes I feel comfortable in my masculinity saying that… Tits tits titstits tits). From first glance he’s everything you’ve come to expect from amaniac in the woods. Drinks PBR (fuck Heineken). Wears a cut off flannel shirtand overalls (as previously stated). He’s got the accent you want your redneckto have, but don’t let all that fool you. Wipe that stereotype off your face.Tucker’s just a shy puppy dog. He’s deceptively smart and he’s got a big heart.He’s Ducky from Pretty in Pink, Southern Fried. Between him and his buddy, Dale(Alan Tudyk), you’ve got the re-imagination of two 80’s dorky horror heroes.

The budding love story thatinevitably unfolds between Allison (Katrina Bowden) and Tucker confirms thatyou are in fact watching a Love Story with Hillbillies rather than a HillbillyHorror flick, but that doesn’t mean you be disappointed with your kills. Again,that’s the same reason the Shaun of the Dead worked so well. Using a woodchipperor moonshine to kill somebody isn’t only fun and entertaining; it continues theself reflective comedic position that makes this a successful picture. Youcould always go watch Woodchipper Massacre or Leaving Vegas if you want to seeeither one of these things kill somebody, but you won’t get the overwhelminggood feeling from either picture. You will belly laugh yourself to near vomit(aren’t you glad you funneled that last PBR?). The gore is good. The kills arefun and in fact funny.

I think your best bet with a filmlike Tucker & Dale vs. Evil is to watch it with a group of friends, butpair it with your favorite hillbilly flick; whichever you like. Most of thenon-horror folk among you might not fully understand the tropes that are at thebutt end of these jokes unless you help them to understand by example. There’sno bad reason to re-watch some of the classics or have a marathon in general.

I think the most important thing toreally ask ourselves is why we think that all hillbilly horror flicks need tocome from West Virigina? New Jersey has its own set of redneckculture ripe for a film like this. Hell, you can find your own regional varietyof redneck in anywhere in the world. It’s nice to have a movie preach tolerance,decries prejudice and breaks down barriers that stereotypes can createespecially when it’s the end result is a comedic blood bath.

“That’s a PBR Buddy. That’s a thingof beauty.” Yes, yes it is.

You've Got Yellow On You: Week One of the Giallo Challenge

2012-01-23T15:22:00.000-08:00

This years movie challenge will feature nothing but giallias defined by a rather cumbersome list as compiled by Brain Bug. Who is BrainBug? I don’t know. That’s just the name of the list. David Z. of Tomb It MayConcern made available said list containing 278 titles. I cannot verify inadvance whether all the films are truly giallo in nature, however my researchthus far seems to confirm the accuracy of the list.

I’m going to keep a weekly to bi-weekly journal on here detailingmy findings. Hopefully it will give you ideas for movies to hunt down or maybesome to avoid. Also, I will from time to time include a list of movies that Iam hunting. Gialli can be somewhat difficult to locate for any number ofreasons. So far I’ve been using Netflix and my own private collection forviewing. When that runs out we’ll hit up YouTube or maybe join Blockbusteronline for a free trial to get the one film they probably stock. Suggestionsfor movie sources will always been greatly appreciated.

Here are the movies I watched last week and some briefthoughts.

Killer Must Kill Again: A subtle and somewhat sexy picturealthough a bit heavy on the dialogue. Not enough action. Less mysterious even.This is my first movie by Luigi Cozzi. I love the credit sequence with thespider web and the piano music score.

Who Saw Her Die?: My first Aldo Lado film (although it willnot be my last). This movie has a great opening sequence. The score is done bythe great Ennio Morricone. You pretty much know it by the first couple of notesand makes all the difference in an otherwise okay picture.

Black Belly of the Tarantula: There’s something amazingabout steam going over a dead body. It’s almost like a slowed down wind tunnel.The murder method is unique. The blood is Crayola red and Ennio did the score.A fun movie to be certain and a nice twist that may seem used up by today’sstandards but is stil,l none the less, effective. My first Paulo Cavara movie.

All the Colors of the Dark: This picture comes off like ahippy experimental film. A hot lead with great brown eyes that contrast somevery unique blue eyes by her assailant. Great for the orgies, but the music is totally blah. I expect more outof Sergio Martino.

Lizard in A Woman’s Skin: There’s a reason why Lucio Fulcimakes zombie, creep out, chaos movies and stays away for giallo. He’s better atthose. That’s not to say that this psychedelic freak out is a bad movie. Lovethe lead actress and the strange hallucinations. The music is near industrialand almost, dare I say it… the sound of Godzilla!

Madhouse: This movie has some mighty bad synth drums. It’s aquality flick with a gore filled credit sequence. Also known as And When SheWas Bad and qualifies as a Video Nasty (that’s my other film challenge thisyear). Directed by Ovidio G. Assonitos.

My Dear Killer: I kept thinking, “wow, this music soundsjust like the music from the Bird With the Crystal Plumage”. Guess who did thescore? Ennio of course. Tonino Valleri directed this fun mystery. I enjoyed thewho done it, reveal the killer sequence at the end. A clever film, but it’s waytoo slow for its own good.

Blow Up: I was talking to a buddy of mine and mentioned thatthis movie was on the gialli list. Well he hadn’t seen any giallo films andwanted to know if it fit. I say it does. It’s not quite the “catch the maskedkiller” film. You know who done it. You just don’t know if our protagonist willget it next. The women are phenomenal. The music is Herbie Hancock which puts awhole different spin on the genre for me. This film by far has some of the mostamazing shots in all of film and not just films in the giallo subgenre. Theshots are framed in a unique way (check it out if you don’t believe me). Someof the greatest motion photography and automobile photography. I kept thinkingthat this movie felt quite a bit like Eyes Wide Shut… as if Kubrick borrowed abit. Michelangelo Antonioni is a master although I’ve heard his other films arevery slow.

Short Night of the Glass Dolls: This is a slow mover withsome pretty great music. I love it when a seemingly dead man does voiceoverswhilst his dead body is carted around, don’t you? It’s a great ending that isworth the drudge. Who doesn’t love cult orgies and golden gods!?

Blood Stained Shadow: Some nice acting, but this thing neverreally picks up the pace. Loads ofdowntime where the plot isn’t moved forward. From the opening fifteen minutes you’d think you were about to watch aquality film, but the whole thing abandons the initial punch-you-in-the-gutformula and settles for a wandering detective story. Nice bush (did he just saythat? YES!). Antonio Bido…nice casting.

A Blade in the Dark: The most comedic of all the films Iwatched this week. I had trouble taking it seriously even for a minute.Lamberto Bava, you are much better than this movie. The actors are for shit. Isincerely wish this movie wasn’t dubbed quite so poorly in the version Iwatched. The music is great and the opening kill sequence feels fake andprotracted. I suppose the messy bathroom kill sequence midway through the filmreally makes up for it. This one is from the 80’s so not exactly the hay day ofthis film genre.

Cat O’ Nine Tails: Karl Maldon is just a fantastic actor.He’s all you really need to have such a high quality mystery; one really greatactor. This film holds up on all levels. It’s a fun mystery to work throughwith a Morricone script and is directed by the master himself. A real treat.

More next week, kiddies.

-Dr. Terror

Rewatching the Unseeable: A SERBIAN FILM DOUBLE TAKE

2012-01-19T17:18:00.000-08:00

January 22, 2011: Jimmy Terror watches A Serbian Film. Writes a blog about “trauma” he hath endured. Terror encourages you to hug your loved ones. Terror encourages you not to see this movie because there’s no reason to subject yourself to the taboo breaking action of A Serbian Film. Terror says along with many of his fellow reviewers that you cannot unsee this movie.

Jimmy Terror now says, “why would you want to unsee it?”

Spoilers… Make sure you eat all your green beans.

At that time I thought that I would never watch the film again, but things have changed, but it didn’t happen over night. Over the course of an entire year I allowed the images in this film to steep. I mean, what’s a little pedophilia between consenting dead people, right? Milos and the family are dead. They’re pain ended in the final scene; until the sequel that is if Srdjan Todorovic plans to make one which I would highly doubt given the commentary made on the film. If there’s anything left to say about Serbia or as Vukmir affectionately referred to it, the kindergarten country. There’s time enough to think about sequels once everyone gets out of jail for trying to distribute or exhibit the film in countries that can’t handle the finer points of necrophilia.

What happened over the last year was a dialogue with friends about the content in the movie. The “trauma” I endured came out in the social media wash and now I have watched many of the offending scenes in the movie quite a few times. I’ve listened to the soundtrack. I’ve made jokes at the expense of characters I previously felt a truly amazing amount of sympathy for. Does that mean that A Serbian Film has lost its edge? Nah, it’s still brutal, but it’s still just a movie. Actors are all still reasonably alive. I mean at the very least nobody was traumatized. Nobody was raped. Nobody died. No babies were used as condoms in all reality. I didn’t have to repeat to myself ad naseum that it was only a movie; that feeling came quite naturally after a few run ins with the horror community.

I’ve set up a little experiment for myself mid year. I told myself that I would re watch A Serbian Film in January of this year, one year after my initial encounter with that film. This past weekend, while everyone was snug in their beds I watched the film again. Here are my impressions ONE YEAR LATER.

Srdjan Todorovic is an animal in the sack. He’s quite a good actor although there’s something that an English speaking audience will never actually know about the performance given by an actor speaking a foreign language. How do I know that the dialogue wasn’t for shit? How do I know that he delivered lines well? I mean, I know that the subtitled dialogue was just dandy and Todorovic’s facial expressions were very believable, but I’ll never know if his ability to deliver lines was any good. I’ve been thinking about that quite a bit recently. What if I had watched A Serbian Film dubbed or could speak another language and read the subtitles in say, German. Does the feeling change? It really doesn’t matter, but I thought about through the whole movie.

I pretty much love all the acting in this film but few performances stick out more in a film that I saw last year than Todorovic playing Milos. I love Milos’ wife. I love the discussion of “wheels’ used to discuss feelings of sexual excitement. The porn stars look like real porn stars (important). I did have the feeling like I was watching a bunch of extras from the movie Hostel, but I think that’s to be expected in a film about/shot in Eastern Europe. I think I have a thing for the Eastern Euro broads.

It’s really a great story, but I think overall there’s nothing new about it. Sure, Milos is an ex-porn star, but he could have been an ex garbage man who had to pick up garbage in some spectacular fashion. His profession opens the door to the type of debauchery that ensues, but I think we’ve seen movies about ex-hitmen forced to do one last kill and something goes amiss with said kill.

The juicy bits (those would be the super naughties). Well I can see why I was so shocked. First time watching a necropedophilia can really twist your hearts strings, knot them and then use scissors to untie them. Was it as bad as I remember it? Nah. They do such a great job at disguising the whole thing. I was a victim of the pure shock of having not experienced A Serbian Film previously. That would make me a total pussy. I can accept that. Beyond the finale (or near finale), the newborn baby porn… that got me. C’mon! I just had a baby for fuck’s sake of course its going to get to me. I can safely say that that particular image may never get any easier to watch. I mean even the I Spit on Your Grave rape sequence has gotten easier over time so I might be pulling a little bit of the overdrama down you, but it’s a great scene. It hits you exactly where it’s supposed to hit you. It disturbs you for all the right reasons and I’m glad that they did it. If you’re reading this having not watched the movie than you pretty much know what you’re up against now. Think jerk sock. Then make it a living breathing being. Then make that a brand new human being. Rough!

That scene where Milos is all hopped up on animal Viagra and made to pork that nice young lady strapped to the table… was hot. Even when the son of a bitch cuts her head off with several wacks. The blood looks great. Intense sexuality… I mean I’m not going to put it on my spank list for 2011 (and you don’t get to ask what a spank list is), but I’m going to make sure to go “Whoa!” every time.

My dad likes to drive around listening to the theme music from the Sopranos. I think I’d like to drive around listening to the end music from A Serbian Film. Can you imagine trying to explain to people what movie that from? This go around I watched it on a 52 inch screen with surround sound. Last time it was only a widescreen computer monitor. Maybe next time we catch a theatrical run (yeah right).

I’m sure I’ll see more shocking things than A Serbian Film. Hell, I saw Thriller for the first time this year and that put me off… and the got me off… I’m a total sick fuck in that regard (these are the jokes people). It’s a nice benchmark to have. A movie with some real taboos. I’d like to see a more broadly release uncut edition. The version I got came from Diabolik DVD, has a white cover and a little yellow X in the corner of the movie every time a scene would have been censored. It’s not a Blu Ray though and this film would be amazing in that capacity. I love the various packaging out there. The cover art/poster art has always impressed me, but with the color variations in various editions its gives one something to consider collecting.

I liked it then, and I liked it more on the second full viewing. I’m excited to watch it next January and talk about it again; hopefully in some context involving a film that claims to have topped it taboo bending nature. I still want you to hug your family after you watch it though. The end sequence is pretty darn sad or maybe that’s me being a mush again. I keep asking myself if that family could have gone to therapy for a fews years to recover from their trauma. No idea. I know there’s a bigger picture here; that A Serbian Film is supposed to be a metaphor for the entire nation of Serbia. I don’t think I really cared about all that on this viewing. I just enjoyed the gratuitous violence and sexy porno ladies. Is that too hard to admit?

-Dr. Terror

SATAN HATES YOU... And Angus Scrimm Wants to Save Your Soul

2012-01-18T17:12:00.000-08:00

I’m gonna be honest with you. I adore the name and poster of the James Felix McKenney’s film, Satan Hates You. It has all the earmarks of a classic, redux exploitation film of late 70’s ilk. Great title. Great poster. Great movie? I’m afraid that Satan truly does hate me, or at least he wanted me to watch a film that didn’t quite get my blood boiling.

Synopsis:

We follow Marc (Don Wood) a homicidal maniac driven by demons buried deep within his soul, and Wendy (Christine Spencer) Marc's polar opposite who lives life fast and hard without a second's thought to the consequences. Their separate paths will eventually cross, but will it be on the road to salvation or the highway to hell?

Reggie Bannister, Angus Scrimm, Debbie Rochon… this had better be good right? Well it’s only as good as the script they’ve been given. The dialogue comes off flat. It doesn’t just play at retro melodrama. It embodies everything I despise from youth culture of the past twenty years. Not that our star studded cast has all that much face time as you might expect. They are not the lead protagonists. Bannister as a bartender makes absolute sense. It feels honest and perhaps his acting feels the most natural. Poor Angus Scrimm. I actually feel bad for him being cast in this role. It feels disrespectful. I guess he chooses the roles he plays, but I get that Ed Wood/Bela Lugosi feeling just thinking about him in this picture. Rochon holds her own. She always does. This film isn’t nearly as fun as your typical Troma film, but they’re probably related by marriage. Michael Berryman... might you still lose your teaching job for this part?

Satan Hates You is full of some pretty shotty cinematography and some underwhelming effects. They’re not the worst I’ve seen. You might even call the effects laughable in a pleasant way, but when you combine that with horror royalty as your main draw you realize that the old bait and switch has got you again. There are a couple of Mephisto/henchmen that run around throughout the picture with horns glued to their heads. There is an all powerful “boss devil” that looks like something you might find at Party City during Halloween. This will amuse you. This will not scare you. This may in fact enrage you.

Satan Hates has an amazing credit sequence. I’m pretty sure that I almost had a seizure looking at it. I hope that was the point. I’m not going to call it bad because I watched it over and over again (the credit sequence, not the rest of the movie). Hell, even my newborn daughter watched the credits with me. I think she found the flashing imagery calming. Maybe its because it was the only thing she was able to see beyond several feet (baby’s have limited visual sight distance).

The reasons to watch this: Abortion has never been so fun. Or messy (maybe messy… not sure). Also, for you Jersey/PA fans, there are quite a few Yeungling bottles splayed throughout the picture. This might make for an entertaining drinking game. For those of you who are not in the know, Yeungling was for years a Jersey/PA/Florida delicacy not unlike pork roll. Couldn’t get it anywhere out of our borders and it has only recently gained a wider audience. Something to think about if you’re looking for a reason to watch an otherwise mediocre film in the good vs. evil genre.

Possible Spoiler: I’m not going to give away the ending to Satan Hates You, but I’ll be god fuckin’ damned if I’m going to leave this review without saying this: The whole god damn thing feels like a PSA for the Evangelical church. You’re so bad. You can be born again if you just accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior… and Angus Scrimm… HOW DARE YOU!? (you’ll see why). If the Director’s intent was to have any sense of irony at the end of the film, well… try again next time? I still can’t tell if this film had an agenda or if I grossly misread the ending. I’m ok not knowing. I’m also ok telling you that you may get a good laugh from this movie. I’m just being a snobbish and then ending burned my hot cross buns.

-Dr. Terror Loves You

When There's No Room On The Internet... THE BRAINLESS SHALL WALK THE EARTH!!!

2012-01-18T04:49:00.000-08:00

I’m going to keep this short and soap-boxy. You have, no doubt, heard of S.O.P.A. by now, ya (that’s a German ya, not a Canadian ya)? Stop Online Piracy Act. Well if you haven’t do some reading HERE. S.O.P.A. is some baddy bad stuff Internet friends. What does it mean for the non pirates among you? Depends on how the GOV enforces the gosh darn thing, but most likely, if there’s links to pirated material on your website (on purpose or inadvertently) or you link up to pirated content or you use a site that MAY contain pirated content… you may lose your voice or the content you love. The big bad government might hit the off switch on your page or a page you love. That’s the equivalent of murder on the Internet.

Enlarge to read tongue in cheek political message

I’m an avid Wiki guy even though the user content can be skewed or slightly incorrect. It seems to me that a user created record/encyclopedia makes sense. After all it is our reality. We get to form it. We choose what to include and what spin to take on nearly everything. Hey, even the history books get reality wrong some percentage of the time. So what did my beloved Wiki due today (January 18, 2012)? They blacked out their pages and offered some very nice content intent on getting readers/users to their respective Congressman’s sound boards. This is good. Utilize this. I did and at least I felt like I did something more proactive than typing a blog about the same damn thing that everyone else is talking about at the moment (read being trendy). So what if some mofo files a complaint against Wiki stating their copyright has been compromised? Do the lights go out on Wiki? Do we let that kind of fascism exist on the wide open web.

Bring it home bloggers… what does that mean for you? You post an image or a video (maybe even embed a video). You fail to get the copyright holders permission or maybe YouTube gets snagged for posting it. So you link to said copyright material and now you’re equally wrong. Or at least that’s one interpretation. Think of how boring blogs will be without embedded video or pictures that are terrified (blogs have feelings too) of infringing on a copyright and being shutdown. Bloggers, you know that you’ve posted content on your site with questionable copyright status. It happens. You may not have even known you did it, but that doesn’t make it any less illegal. Now that could be a gross interpretation of the way the act would be enforced, but why should the GOV have control of the light switch?

Let’s talk for a second about actual Internet piracy. A good many of you used Napster until Metallica happened. Then Limewire or Gorillashare or whatever sharing platform you’ve chosen to be “sneaky” on. Then ya’ll figured out what a Newsgroup is and a Torrent and now you’re blocking your IP and being all tech savvy right? While I am not going to condone piracy of content that is readily available for purchase there is something to be said about going out, getting an AVI of the VHS you loved when you were a kid, but cannot find for purchase anywhere else but the newsgroups or the torrents. I’m just not going to take issue with that, but that’s just as illegal as going out and getting the latest box office smash (that would be the Devil Inside folks and sounds like you’d gladly pirate that to save a buck and maybe to get back at big bad Hollywood). There’s a difference between making content available that simply isn’t available and stealing from an indy filmmaker. Who wants to pay $150 for Rawhead Rex? That seems wholly unfair to think that a distro company decides to fault your favorite cult movie and now you’re out candy bar money. You might even get away with finding someone else to do the dirty work, pay them $5 for the DVD with slip cover printed from the VHS or originally issued DVD. That content had to come from somewhere and the minute it hit the burner you were an accomplice. My god! Rawhead Rex just cost you a $250k fine, but hey, it’s on the net and if you’re a responsible eye patch wearer, you can share in the Celtic demon and still go out and buy Ti West’s latest release VOD.

So the case for the big guys (WIKI/GOOGLE), the little guys (BLOGGERS) and… the actual bad guys (PIRATES… ARRRRR) is the same. You’re shutdown. You’re lights go out. You’re content is in a concentration camp somewhere waiting for the friggin Zyklon B.

One last thing before you head over to Wiki and send your representatives the good fucking word. Did you ever think that maybe… just maybe… copyrights are made to be broken? Maybe your copyright is preventing users from experiencing your content? The strange case of Night of the Living comes to mind. George Romero makes a film of such importance that it changes the very fabric of horror films, zombie films and how a horror film might be seen as social commentary rather than just a spook picture. He makes this movie and through an egregious error fails to copyright the film. Said film goes into circulation, becomes a drive-in success, and due to its lack of copyright, every horror host can show the gosh darn thing. Distro companies put it out in various packaging and include in all their 50 movies for $10 sets. There’s practically a copy of one of the greatest horror movies of all time in every home in America (exaggerating here). No copyright on a film can spread it like wildfire. I’m sure George made a few bucks over the years making other movies and hopefully in part to his reputation as a master horror man based on NOTLD. All that exposure without a copyright. Unintended, sure, but doesn’t it make you think that there might be another way of doing things besides the status quo, copyright way. It’s only a 300 year old concept really, and a lot has changed since the initial copyright laws in the US back in 1790.

Don’t let the United States Congress turn you into a bunch of brainless zombies by deciding what content users can post. They make so many great decisions its hard to imagine NOT letting them decide what you can post. Don’t let the Internet become a post-apocalyptic scorched earth.

-Dr. Terror

You know it’s bad when the MPAA supports it. You know how great they are at regulating the content you love. Lest we not forget the plight of Harry Warden! We may never get that footage back.

SOUTH OF HEAVEN: Darkman's Twin Brotha From a Separate Motha

2012-01-17T16:38:00.000-08:00

South of Heaven is the story of a mistaken identity. South of Heaven is a love story. South of Heaven is the story of a disfigured man who goes on a murderous, vengeful rampage. South of Heaven is Darkman! Wait a minute… rewind. South of Heaven is… Darkman? Not exactly, but it’s not so far off either. J.L. Vara has delivered us something to think about… with our eyes.

Disdain for giving up plot points means you get the standard Synapse Films/cover blurb about the plot points in the film, but that would be enough for a clever individual to figure out that when you start disfiguring individuals in order to get what you want you set the stage for a classic revenge film gone Six String Samurai or in this case a sailor ready to pen the great American novel.

Synopsis from Synapse (Synapsis?):
When Roy Coop finished his stint in the Navy, he only had two things on his mind: seeing his brother Dale, and writing the great American novel. What he gets, however, is the homecoming from Hell! A pair of violent vaudevillians (NAPOLIEAN DYNAMITE’s John Gries, and Thomas Jay Ryan) mistake Roy for his brother, looking to collect on a debt he didn’t how he owed. Eight fingers later, Roy is burnt to a crisp, forged by fire into a new man. Roy is Dead. Nobody is born.

Now it’s Nobody’s turn to have his wicked revenge, and to save his brother before it’s too late. Wrapped in bandages and ready for blood, Nobody is determined to kill those that get in his way, even the murdering masochist named Mad Dog Mantee (Seah Whingham, MACHETE and HBO’s BOARDWALK EMPIRE), Dodging bullets and dodging dames, Nobody meets the nasty ne’er-do-wells Lily (Diora Baird, THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACARE: THE BEGINNING) and Veronica (Elina Lowensohn, SCHINDLER’S LIST). In this wonderful neo-film-noir, violence and vengeance are sure to meet in a little town they call… South of Heaven.

First of all: UNCLE RICO GETS PISSED AND BURNS A FUCKERS FACE OFF (But I think you got that from the lengthy synopsis. Hey, it’s on the website and I don’t feel that I’m spoiling anything. So I won’t label this thing spoiler free, but Synapse gives you more than an appetizer of plot here. Second… Do you think that John Gries video tapes himself strong arming helpless debtors? Third, is the straw hat covering up his full on 80’s head of hair? Inquiring minds and all that. Moving on.

This film comes off like the delinquent relative of a Liquid Television sketch gone full length movie. Perhaps that is where I draw the comparison to the film the Six String Samurai. It may not be the best movie with which to draw comparison to South of Heaven solely based on its own cult status. I’m not sure enough of you crazy cats have seen that picture. Hopefully at least a few of you were alive when Liquid Television would air the strangely artistic; Technicolor meets your kids crayon box shorts. Hell, this picture even has visual styling that might touch on Sin City. Just a pinch. As I previously stated this one also feels quite a bit like Darkman.

I don’t think I’m giving away too much when I tell you that the protagonist in the film has his face hidden by bandages. Guess how he got that way? Thugs! Darkman, also had his face burned off by thugs and subsequently wears bandages. Now mentally unstable post burn, both these clever characters turn to revenge to saved loved ones. It doesn’t help that each film has a clearly identifiable bad guy based on an idiosyncratic, out of place piece of apparel. Darkman has Robert Durant with his cigar cutter/finger remover. The henchman of South of Heaven have their straw hats (they do not cut people’s heads off with said hats… boo). It’s a stretch when I tell you that South of Heaven is Darkman, but I bet if you like Darkman and films of the revenge ilk, you’ll also enjoy South of Heaven.

This picture is a funny. It’s not funny “ha ha” or “pee pee”. It is funny “chuckle to yourself lightly and watch your belly jiggle”; Maybe give yourself a case of indigestion. It’s intentionally humorous, but most of the laughs fall flat and your left thinking about that animated, gored lamb. That made the movie for me, and I won’t go into anymore detail than that. Gored lamb. Animated. Think about that. Sounds funny right? You know what’s more funny than gored lambs? How about the Cure… symphonic “Boys Don’t Cry”. Redneck versions of Smiths songs. Redneck versions of DEPECHE MODE SONGS!!! It’s like fully imagining what a Greg Araki picture (thinking Doom Generation but you can insert your favorite nihilistic flick of a different director here) would be like if he cared a little less about personal expression and a little more about killing fucking bad guys.

Most of all, this movies about falling in love, self discovery and turning over a new leaf. No really. It is. All those good wholesome things, but it’s also about self loathing, the degenerate criminal mind and the weakness of the human spirit. I guess it’s a glass half full/half empty film. You watch it and you’ll figure out if you’re an optmist, pessimist or weather you know music trivia.

It’s a fine DVD release from Synapse with some extra short films and a few commentary tracks if you really enjoy that sorta thing. It’s got a great sense of visual-crazy. You’ll love that if you were a fan of MTV before it started sucking. There’s also a nice plot twist or two for those of you who care about such things. Plot is overrated in a film like this. More gore. More laughs, please. Please, please please, let me get a few more animated pictures of mutilated farm animals. I can only watch so many A Perfect Circle videos. I’m sure you’ll at least be entertained. If you hate the film, you’re gonna love that sad bastard soundtrack.

-Dr. Terror

(We fully realize that there is not actual connection and only the remotest similarity between Darkman and South of Heaven... watch the movie. Laugh. Applause. Fin)

DON'T OPEN TILL CHRISTMAS: Belated Edition

2012-01-17T16:24:00.000-08:00

So it’s January… Christmas is over and I bet you’ve been hitting up all the post boxing day day sales as well. Good job. Way to support consumerism and capitalism in general. If you think you’re done spending I encourage you to look again as one of our dear old favorites is very available for purchase as we speak. You can put under the faux tree that you never take down and decorate for any number of miscellaneous holidays throughout the year.

Don’t Open Till Christmas is available from TLA Releasing. This is pretty much as good as its going to get. The transfer is brilliant (sub Blu-Ray, but we just wanted a DVD release… let’s not jump the gun). The most important part of this release is that the good folks over at TLA didn’t mess with the packaging. Same great cover. Half the calories.

Synopsis (from the IMDB… blah):

Somebody with very little Christmas spirit is killing anyone in a Santa suit one
London holiday season, and Scotland Yard has to stop him before he makes his
exploits an annual tradition.

Personal notes about the film outside of its release on DVD being sought after for quite some time. A. this film has an amazing score. B. this film’s history is borderline Jerry Springer. It’s got a documentary that I wouldn’t say you couldn’t miss, but rather that if you did miss it, COAL IN YOUR STOCKING. C. Santa’s from Greenland… for reals (watch the movie already).

In all honesty this movie is a tad bit slow at times. It's ultra super, mega British. Plenty of boobies to satisfy the gentlemen and the ladies. In fact I think that watching this alongside American Werewolf in London might given an accurate portrait of the late 70's, early 80's adult entertainment industry in England. Couldn't hurt to pair 'em.

This movie has all the kills and boobs of your favorite 80’s slasher flick with a fun holiday twist. Great as a gift. Not for children. Batteries not included. Oh, and if you get the chance stop by TLA Releasing and thank them for putting this out. They’re doing such a nice job over there.

-Dr. Terror

NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION RESOLVED! (It was not Jess Franco)

2012-01-13T16:10:00.000-08:00

ARGENTO WINS!!!
Zombies Everywhere Attempt to Cry But Realize… They’re Dead.

Yes fans of Lucio Fulci it’s true. The final numbers are in and Argento has won the day over the beloved Italian zombie man. Incidentally, there were write in votes for Fugento, Joe D’Amato (Antropophagus - yum yum eat ‘em up!) and Jess Franco (Oasis of the Zombies and other assorted artsy skin films) which were in and of themselves intriguing.

So what does it all mean? I’ve been somewhat secretive about what casting your vote would actually mean. Does it mean that one director is superior to another? Or that I will enjoy the entire filmography of the winner? No. Each director stood for a New Year’s Resolution that I simply could not decide upon. It may seem a tad bit obvious, but if you had picked Lucio Fulci for the win I would have had to watch EVERY SINGLE ZOMBIE MOVIE EVER MADE!!! This year. Except the ones that I have already seen. It’s a cumbersome task to even compile that list of movies. There are various websites that do a mighty fine job, but you still have to define your viewing criteria and every list needs editing. I was somewhat relieved when Fulci didn’t get the nod. “Brains for dinner, brains for lunch, brains for breakfast, brains for brunch, brains at every single meal, why can’t we have some guts! Oi! Oi!” to quote the Misfits.

The winner was not Lucio Fulci. The winner was not Joe D’Amato. Imagine what I would have had to watch if D’Amato won? If Franco won my wife would have taken me for a raging sex fiend watching porn all day (all be it excellent, sexy Euro porn… and yes, I am a sex fiend). The winner was Dario Argento. This means that the task before me, my New Year’s Resolution is to WATCH EVERY SINGLE GIALLO FILM EVER MADE!!!

Basic description of characteristics in Giallo pictures as notated by Wiki (because

I’m a cheater and you didn’t do all that well at math in high school anyway!):
Giallo” films are characterized by extended murder sequences featuring excessive bloodletting, stylish camerawork and unusual musical arrangements. The literary whodunit element is retained, but combined with modern slasher horror, while being filtered through Italy’s longstanding tradition of opera and staged grand guignol drama. They also generally include liberal amounts of nudity and sex.

Gialli typically introduce strong psychological themes of madness, alienation, and paranoia. For example, Sergio Martino’s Your Vice Is a Locked Room and Only I Have the Key (also known as Eye of the Black Cat) was explicitly based on Edgar Allan Poe’s short story “The Black Cat.”

They remain notable in part for their expressive use of music, most notably by Dario Argento’s collaborations with Ennio Morricone and his musical director Bruno Nicolai, and later with the band Goblin.

Let’s talk about what that actually means. First of all, I’m currently reading La Dolce Morte: Vernacular Cinema and the Italian Giallo Film by Mikel J. Koven which is a pretty academic offering on the subject and reads very much like a film school text rather than a fan boy book. Koven, in his forward, relates that he was unable to find any number of classic films and requested that his readers send him films if they think that they should be included in the text. So with over a hundred movies on my plate, I feel that this will be a more research intensive journey than conquering the Fango 300. This also means lots of subtitles. Late night movie watching marathons might be cut short due to blurry vision. Feel free to send me your recommendations for any further reading on the subject, articles… pretty much anything that might make this exploration more fun. I’ll be offering a weekly update on the films I watch throughout the year and make suggestions.

It’s all in good fun. I’m not entirely sure how possible this will be given the rarity of some the pictures. I also realize that no list is a complete list of any genre. I’m working right now to figure out whose list I’m going to use as my base list and then modify it to my liking (adding not deleting).

Also, if anyone has any black leather gloves… I’m fresh out, and it’s hard not to feel like a poser when you’re movie related objective revolves around a mere pair of Orsini’s and you don’t even own a pair.

Dario Argento, Mario Bava, Lucio Fulci (see you still made the list), Aldo Lado, Sergio Martino, Umberto Lenzi, and Pupi Avati…. HERE I COME!!!

-Dottore Terrore

Psssst…. Stay tuned for the Fango 300 recap. Coming Soon.

THE INNKEEPERS: Awkward, Budding Geek Romance or Spooky, Scary Ghost Story? You Decide.

2012-01-11T19:34:00.000-08:00

Ti West got a fuck of a load of hype after House of the Devil. What's more is that hype was well deserved. He crafted a film that was retro-shiek, with a nice take on the current exorcism/devil on your doorstep craze (still in full tilt boogie) and played it off like he thought up the whole god damn thing. I say that with utmost respect. I adore House of the Devil. The opening credit scene complete with vintage 80's cassette walkman had me screaming, "I wish I thought a that". And enough has been written about House of the Devil, and we all know the story, and if anyone wants to buy me an early Christmas present go talk to Diabolik DVD about getting me the DVD/VHS combo that I didn't purchase at the 24 Hour Horror-thon this year. The anticipation for a new Ti West film had become so ravenous that we hung on every still, trailer, teaser or poster. What did we get?

To start off with I was unimpressed by the trailer, but god be fuckin' damned if I didn't love the poster. Man that poster was something, right? You could show your non-horror lovin' friends that poster and they'd be strung out for days thinking about The Innkeepers and they didn't even know who Ti West was. It was nice to be the guy with the "cool thing" to share at the water cooler. That poster made it to any number of top movie poster lists. That poster made me realize that people put out top ___ movie poster lists. Mine eyes hath been opened. Beautiful poster. Stunning. Shitty trailer. That happens. As long as the movie's good the trailer can be puppies and kittens suckling on a cow teet (its own merit would stand on its own). So a trailer leaves a bit to be desired.

So the countdown begins. Ti West puts out his, "pay to see my movie/starving artist speech". Yes Sir! I will pay to see anything you put out. You impress me, sir. I am on board. I wholeheartedly support paying loads of money for independent cinema. I do. I prefer it not to suck and it can suck just as long as there's heart behind it. Now big Hollywood? Eh, I'm okay if you wanna skip out on Scream 4 to catch it on the newsgroups or the torrents or whatever the Hell Napster program you've just discovered, but you damn well support the independents you dogs! You do it! Or I'm pretty sure those guys over at ToeTag Productions are going to put you in their next picture. So buy independent like it's your wartime obligation (it is a war in the film distro market). December 30th couldn't come soon enough. I was spreadin' the Gospel. Telling my friends at the water cooler that the end was nigh! Let's get our Ti West helmet on and conquer the giant sloth of major studio boredom.

And so my New Years Day present to myself... was simple. The Innkeepers. Comcast On-Demand VOD. $9.99. ... ... Doesn't that seem like quite a bit? I mean for a movie on demand. Maybe it's not be I pretty much max out at around $6.99. Whatever right? It's Ti West. THAT POSTER FUCKIN' ROCKED! I purchased the movie and then thought to myself, "none of my friends are going to purchase a movie for $9.99 that I would recommend". Man, if all the people I told to check out this picture went out and paid $9.99 to watch this thing and hated it I'd be the last bit of water at the bottom of the Poland Spring water cooler that never actually leaves the cooler but instead stays there... waiting to leave. Purgatory. Isolation. None of them bothered to watch it for $9.99. That was above their price point (it just seems high).

My opinion on Ti West's The Innkeepers, the tale of the supposedly haunted Yankee Pedlar Inn, was simple. Ti West, your film was a little on the "not so much is happening" side and a whole lot on the "I love the characters and the mood you've set" side. I wouldn't call it split down the middle. I didn't not like it (fuck you double negative).

From Magnet Releasing (Synopsis so I don't ruin anything for you):

After over one hundred years of service, The Yankee Pedlar Inn is shutting its doors for good. The last remaining employees -Claire (Sara Paxton) and Luke (Pat Healy) - are determined to uncover proof of what many believe to be one of New England's most haunted hotels. As the Inn’s final days draw near, odd guests check in as the pair of minimum wage “ghost hunters” begin to experience strange and alarming events that may ultimately cause them to be mere footnotes in the hotel’s long unexplained history.

Sara Paxton and Pat Healy are totally dork over heels loveable. I love these motherfuckers. I want them to get off their ghost hunting arses, go put on a Jenny Lewis record, shot gun a few of those beers and get wiggly. I haven't identified with a porn loving, horror/ghost dork in some time. Healy reminds me of the American Simon Pegg (read Shaun of the Dead). Sara Paxton is the geeky girl who's ultra super crazy sexy and shy and we love her. Good chemistry here. Great chemistry. You throw in a little drunken Kelly McGillis and its off to the races. If you watch this movie and get nothing from it, just try to appreciate the honesty in the relationship between Paxton and Healy. While I have said that this movie may not make my best of 2011/12 list this/last year I'm pretty darn certain that Ti West shows what kind of a director he is. It takes a special person to bring out that kind of performance in two actors. Magical (in the Disney sense of the word).

For all of you gore hounds, not impressed. Nothing caught my eye on the effects market. A couple of fancy computer gens (I think they were at least, sometimes my eyes deceive me). I feel like a movie that props itself up as a ghost story better show me why I'm supposed to call the Ghostbusters. While I can be fairly certain that the intent is that the ghosts aren't supposed to be the primary scare effect (that would be the suspense surrounding waiting for them to appear) when you finally catch a glimpse of what it is your need to be afraid of you might as well be watching Casper... the PG-13 version that they couldn't show in theaters! Again, they're not the only thing that you're supposed to find frigtening, but if you're gonna show the monster, show us a fuckin' MONSTER/ghost.

I love the audio in this movie. It shines. Music, sound production. This film was able to get any of the creepy it lost in the effects department straight back in auditory hallucinatory mimickery. Between that and the actual setting for the whole shebang, the Yankee Pedlar Inn, you had some damn fine atmosphere. I kept thinking I was in Cape May, NJ. I go there every year. Good taffy. Nice, semi-empty beach. Quiet. Salt Water. I kept looking for landmarks throughout the film, but alas, it belongs to Connecticut (bastards!). If you live on the East Coast or more specifically New England, the Yankee Pedlar Inn is probably an hour away from your favorite shore location or rather a reasonable facsimile there of. Go get your ghost hunter kit! Something about the whole thing had me feeling a little more than Scooby Doo and had me thinking I needed to revisit my previous days as a Weird NJ follower. I'll never forget that all night hunt for Colby Mansion, but the Henryville House in PA was probably more similar to the Yankee Pedlar.

My problem with the whole thing is that I never feel like the film punched me in the teeth. The end didn't scare me and the suspense sequences that were effective didn't have the proper follow through; they left me feeling unsatisfied. Almost like you were jerked off to the point of near climax and then... blue balls (they exist and yes, I am filthy). The movie spins the awkward lovers, realizing they might be affectionate for one another, into a tight web that that will yield a vicious spider and then... BOING... the rubber tarantula falls from the ceiling. It's a slow delicate build. I liked that until the block came a tumblin' down.

So the final call... you should support Ti West for all the reasons he says you should and all other independent cinema. It's a good effort. I believe I've seen interviews that says he disavowed himself of any credits on Cabin Fever 2 (I enjoyed that immensely)so this will be a nice follow up. If nothing else, this guy makes people buy movies. He can get a cult following going the way our industry needs it to be to break through the box office shit show. You should also see The Innkeepers because despite my lack of enthusiasm for the film its really a subjective feeling and the overwhelming creep out just might give you the willies for which you've been looking. I think you'll enjoy the awkward almost lovers trying to figure out that internet porn is not the answer to loneliness. Maybe it's less of a ghost story and more of a "lonely people as a metaphor for ghosts" story.

Final note: I wonder how this movie would have done had it been released in October. It's got very good Halloween sensibilities.

-Dr. Terror

NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION 2012: FULCI OR ARGENTO? CHOOSE NOW OR DO SOMETHING PRODUCTIVE INSTEAD

2012-01-09T11:01:00.000-08:00

Hey Kiddies… Sorry for the unannounced hiatus from Dr. Terror's Blog of Horrors. On November 23, 2011 Baby Terror was born (name withheld to prevent kidnapping or undo references to actresses from the golden age of Hollywood). Since then it’s been a series of sleepless nights, bottle washing, 3am feedings and diaper changing extravaganzas. While the 3am feedings may be the perfect time to catch up on the Man from Planet X or Kingdom of the Spiders (yes I have been this lucky) it is not necessarily conducive to the creative (or lack there of) process. I’m here today to tell you that I’M BACK! Regular entries should begin in the next two weeks with the same absence of intellect and cliché ridden melodrama you’ve been used to over the last year and half.

I have missed writing. It gets the demons out. It has actually been painful not to write save for some entries over at the Blood Sprayer. With this new year I may be expanding my writing duties to a few new friends (fingers crossed) I have oodles of reviews coming at your eyeballs like a splinter in a zombie movie.

Enough! On to the central focus of this particular entry!

HAPPY MOTHER F'ING NEW YEAR!!!
(I didn't swear by choice!)

I need some help (but you knew that). We just celebrated the coming of a brand new year and the passing of a terrific year in horror fiction. While I spent the New Year’s weekend watching Twilight Zone reruns and steeping myself in some of the finer offerings off 2011, I also contemplated what I needed to change for the coming year. I do not have a body like Hugh Jackman from Wolverine (yes, I once made that resolution… I’ve got the sideburns though). I did stop drinking sugary soda (more cancer in the diet variety anyway), but the most important resolution of the year has been somewhat elusive. Each year I come up with a New Year’s Resolution that involves a horror related movie viewing theme. Last year’s resolution involved the completion of the Fangoria 300, a list of the top horror flicks as set forth by the staff of Fangoria in their #300 celebratory issue. I’ll give you the play by play on that lovely effort in the coming weeks, but let’s just say that 300 movies of this caliber will take up all of my non-Pampers related hours. How does this effect you other than you have to hear about endless hours of movie watching at Fangoria’s gunpoint? I need your help (see the first sentence in this paragraph).

From Wiki for the uninitiated:

A New Year's resolution is a commitment that a person makes to one or more personal goals, projects, or the reforming of a habit. A key element to a New Year's Resolution that sets it apart from other resolutions is that it is made in anticipation of the New Year and new beginnings. People committing themselves to a New Year's resolution generally plan to do so for the whole following year. This lifestyle change is generally interpreted as advantageous.

I have two distinct film related resolutions in mind and can’t for the death of me figure out which one makes more sense. I don’t want to give up the ghost outright, but I want assistance from you, the readers (you are reading this, right?). Please offer me your preference in planning out which movies I’ll be watching in the coming year by making the ultimate choice.

ARGENTO or FULCI!?!

Hi, I'm Dario Argento. My daughter is hot. I make creepy movies about girls who can talk to insects, faceless killers wearing black gloves and a ballet school turned an occult murder ground.

Hi, I'm Lucio Fulci. I'm dead. I make movies about boys being seduced by hot older ladies and priests dying, people coming out of the ground who are supposed to be dead who kill people and a movie about men in armor battling mythical creatures who may also be naked.

Now I assure you that this does not mean I’m going to watch the entire filmography of either of these directors (all in good time). It’s simply a vehicle by which a decision will be made. Each name represents an option for a resolution that is film related that has at least, in part, something to do with the director for whom the choice is named. Decide however you would like, but please do let me know how you would decide. Simply respond to this blog, post on my or Dr. Terror’s Blog of Horrors Facebook wall or email me your choice. I’ll count the votes and announce on Friday the 13th.

Hey, if you have an idea for a movie related resolution, post that as well. I love your creativity, but please make sure to at least cast your vote. It means a lot to me. I’ll be highlighting my progress throughout the year for whichever resolution is picked. I’m still not sure it’s even possible to do either resolution so failing is an option. I have a lot planned for this year. We’ll be tackling some of the greatest issues of Fangoria for our For Dummies articles. Reviews of 2011’s best and worst. Hell, you might even see a Vaudeville Vampire album released this year. The songs have been written; just need to get the band back together. Stay tuned, kiddies. Get ready to have your eyeballs written straight out your skull.

-Dr. “It’s Alive” Terror
I make excuses so you don’t have to.

One last note: COMCAST ON DEMAND HAS ALL THE FRIDAY THE 13TH FILMS FOR FREE!!! Pretty sure this is Fearnet the voodoo that they do so well (doesn't work so well in the third person). Enjoy!

FANGORIA FOR DUMMIES #13: THE ROMERO INTERVIEW

2011-11-19T17:01:00.000-08:00

Welcome to Fangoria for Dummies Issue #13, the two year anniversay issue to be exact. If you're looking for horror movies on the cover of issue #13 you'll have American Werewolf in London and The Beast Within, but I'm not sure that Dragonslayer qualifies no matter which trio of super giants produced the film (LucasFilm, Paramount and motherfucking Disney). Hey, I guess it's a monster movie magazine too. I think I can get behind dragons as horror creatures. After all, Q, the Winged Serpent was a fantastic AIP picture (even if Q was really a deity from middle America). I can't believe the slight fantasy laden VHS cover of my youth could have kept me from it for so long. I'm sure there will be plenty of goodies inside to supplement the taste of our gore gore reader (remember last issue?). I'll say that in the note from Bob Martin this time around the old boy says that the magazine is evolving just as he had planned. Seems that just because a horror magazine hadn't gotten "juicy" before doesn't mean it couldn't. It will. This issue has a Romero interview which just makes me wet. Yes, like that... No, I'm not ashamed to get the bucket out.

I love the Postal Zone. I love that we get to rehash some old arguments and realize that the same issues have been going on since the beginning of horror history. For this issue, as always, we'll take a little insight from the editor and the fans. First off, the above captioned comment by reader and editor sums it up for me. All you need is the right horror flick at the right age with the right combo of trauma inducing moments and you've got a therapy session a week for the rest of your life. It's that simple (although more is better to cement the crazies). Second, Mr. John Squires over at one of my super faves, Freddy In Space recently posted a delightful piece about movies that Roger Ebert aka Fuck-Pig Numero Uno actually liked. While I realize that Mr. Ebert and all critics are entitled to their opinion, I love slamming him. I'm sorry. Since I was a kid I watched he and Siskel on television (when their show was on actual TV) and always found them a bit off-putting. Still, Siskel and Ebert ocassionaly have done a good deed or two for the horror community. One reader took time to give an informal score card of the horror opines of the dasterdly duo.

It's respectable to be certain, but there are too many films that these guys have used for punching bags too. I guess that we give them that power by reading or listening to their reviews and commenting on them. At least they look equally strange and make funny with the banter. Here's the FiS piece which is thoroughly enjoyable as always:

10 HORROR MOVIES THAT ROGER EBERT ACTUALLY LIKED

Beyond that Alex Gordon is back discussing some very Karloff-ian history. He touches one some of his lesser known films, The Haunted Strangler and Corridors of Blood. The most fascinating part of this article is Gordon quoting Karloff talking about horror films and calling them "fairy tales" and that the term horror is really a disservice to younger audiences who can easily decide for themselves what is right and what is immoral. I wholeheartedly agree. We lost Grimm somewhere around age eight to Pokemon (if not younger). We lost Aesop at age 10 if we even had him at all. The Bible... what Garden of Eden, Where!? What do we have left? Well you can either have a high pitch voiced talking mouse do it or you can have a guy with a drill turn up to your friggin' slumber party. Don't drink that beer, Jason Voorhees put you on the naughty list. Alex Gordon juxtaposes Karloff's quote with that of Herbert Kretzmer of the Daily Sketch who think that British censors didn't go far enough with the X rating bestowed on much of our beloved fare. He believed that horror, while it banked much dinero, was the lowest form of entertainment. I guess something can be said for that. After all,I'd be the first one at the public execution during feudal times. Badder ratings mean better ways to exploit those ratings for profit. Ban it in a few more countries and the kids will have to see the picture!

Now I can't say much about this next film, Mind Warp except that it's good to see a couple familiar names makin' movies. One is Roger Corman at the director position (who's second half of an interview have been postponed till next issue) and Sid Haig. You saw him in Coffy and Foxy Brown, now get a load of him in space gear! Roger Corman is unhappy as the rest of us STILL ARE with the MPAA. Here's an image they think the MPAA will cut and, also, above is Side Haig in some fancy Italian Space Suit shit.

1980's Gore Pre-CGI Brain Scalp Shot. The only set pictures that strike me this well from my childhood were from Fango's coverage of the Unholy and Demons 2.

So we've had Joe Dante under the gun in a recent Fango piece and now it's John Landis' turn. He seems less than thrilled that the Howling guys beat him to the effect "he" came up with 1969. I'm not entirely sure that I like him taking the credit for the transformation seen in the Howling especially with a talented fellow like Bottin doing the work. Then again, Bottin and Rick Baker did work closely. I love both transformations quite a bit. I like the Howling more as a film in its entirety. I like the werewolf in the Howling more (I guess I like Wile E. Coyote Mr. Landis). I think there's something about Dee Wallace I can get behind. You know John Landis is one guy I'm just not sure I understand. One minute we've got him talking about going to every monster picture he can catch even alone if he can't find anyone "stupid enough" to go with him and then he takes a movie like Friday the 13th and throws it under the bus. At least he and I can agree on one thing, Curse of the Werewolf starring Oliver Reed was crap. He's a smart guy and I love his films. Imagine getting Bottin and Baker to team up with Landis and Dante on a co-production? London werewolves vs. the wolves of California! This will not happen. I'm okay with that.

The Femme Fatale of the month is PJ Soles. This is an excellent choice that I would have made for the first Femme Fatale. I adore her. I wish her the best in all thingss. I hope to meet her someday at a convention or high school prom. Stripes was incredible and, shock and awe, I have never seen Rock N' Roll High School which still confuses me given my love of her, the Ramones and Rob Bottin (find the mouse!).

And there's Albert Finney in Wolfen. So it's a Howling, American Werewolf in London, Wolfen kinda year. All of 'em made it fairly big. I get minimally excited about Wolfen. There's no big reveal. The transformation isn't there. I'm actually glad that I saw this film older rather than when I was about eight years old like it's lupine brethren as it carries a particular resounding sociological message that wouldn't have been as apparent when I was wee. I'm also a sucker for Finney although not so much Gregory Hines. Nice wolves. Not much else to say. Moving on.

So when I read that there was going to be a set visit for the Beast Within I assumed something of interest would happen. Not much here guys. There's a fun story about a Bible being opened to a suggestive chapter, a failed stunt and yet another discussion of gore's place in cinema. It's really very boring and yet somehow there will be a second installment. To tell you the truth, other than a brief image in this book An Album of Horror Films I cannot remember much of the movie other than the film didn't hold up to the image in the book. I'll have to rewatch it. The poster art tells me so.

Check out those pants...

After a brief stop over with Ramsey Campbell and Charles L. Grant with a discussion of horror writing and how to make writing horrific rather than shocking, we get to the the GEORGE ROMERO INTERVIEW. Romero loves his 16mm film. He loves the idea of shooting Creepshow in 3-D but it won't come to pass and he knows it. He loves working on movies with a budget of $200,000 and under and would love to make another of that ilk. He also thinks that Cronenberg is finally getting the respect he deserves and that Don Coscarelli is definitely up and coming (IF funding comes through for Phantasm II that is). He also loves Tobe Hooper's Salem's Lot (and so do I) but lose the Kinski make up job. Overall you've got a man who's been in the horror biz for some years now and urges young filmmakers to dive in head first and learn the business, not just film making. He's all about the video cassette market. Wait till he sees what the 80's will bring. I'm got excited for him just reading his interview with full hindsight. It's not a terribly long interview and Fango themselves say they'd been trying to get it for some time. It comes out on the tail of Knightriders but not soon enough to catch up with Creepshow on a more intimate basis.

The second part of the horror comic article is about magicians in comics. While there are some obscure references to Tor and Dr. Fate there's nothing that gets you in the gonads. Kinda boring. Not even an image I would say was striking. It makes you long for the Dragonslayer feature... ooo and that's coming up next.

Now I know for a fact that I watched the Dragonslayer as a kid, but I couldn't tell you much about it. I seemed remember more of the Ewok films than this future classic. The effects budget were off the chain and had hundreds of people working on it. It had three major production companies in its corner. I just don't see the hype. I'm glad that Hollywood decided to give dragons a good serious try and that they wouldn't abandon them along the way. We all know the dragons in Harry Potter are beyond phenomenal bordering on more terrifying than some horror movies released in recent years. It's probably at least part personal flavor for my monster picture that Dragonslayer doesn't stand out to me. I'll give it another go around with my daughter. I still thin Ewok's Battle for Endor is scary so why wouldn't this get a little cred.

Carl Fullerton is the man you hire when Tom Savini is busy or at least that's what the director of Friday the 13th Part II did. Steve Miner gave Fullerton a shot on this one and it came out swimmingly (save the fucking MPAA putting their razor to some of the best sequences). What I got on this piece about the man that would be Tom Savini's replacement was that effects work is more like apprenticeship/guild work in the medieval weapon making. I'd say it's one of the few professions left that really hangs on to the legacy and maybe more trades would be better to do so as well. Fullerton will go on to work in many significant films including Warlock, Friday the 13th Part III and some big name movies that you may never have heard of (Silence of the Lambs, Philadelphia...). This guy did the original make up for the Coneheads on Saturday Night Live based on Akyroyds sketches. Nuff said.

Fullerton's finest non-horror work

In the works are everything from Cat People to stills of the Howling. Madman, Blade Runner, Videodrome, Deadly Blessing and a friggin great contest for Romero fans. See below:

Remeber that little piece I did during the month of October about the great novelization of horror films? Well this is the creme de la creme. My quest continues. Also, Dead & Buried by genre favorite Dan O'Bannon had all but disappeared at this point with no sign of release until Avco/Embassy stepped in to do the distro. What a creepy little film.

I'll leave you with the promise that the next issue should include the a recap of the second half of the Corman interview. We should also be seeing more of Dead & Buried and American Werewolf in London as well as STUDENT BODIES!!! I know you can't wait for that one. Hilarious. Here's some portfolio work from the great Bernie Wrighston form his Frankenstein portfolio. I adore this man's work. I really need to collect it. I really need to become indepedently wealthy. Ce la vie!

-Dr. Terror

BUY BACK ISSUES. READ BACK ISSUES.

FANGO FOR DUMMIES ISSUE #12: GORE!!!

2011-11-13T04:13:00.000-08:00

I'm talkin' bout gore here. The argument stays the same. "To gore or not to gore" as one fan put it in their Postal Zone letter to Fango in the early days of the horror publication. Well, as we all know, to gore won the battle. Graphic still of blood and guts were, at least in part, key to the magazine's success. This type of content separated it from StarLog. This kind of content was revolutionary for the early 80's. I'm not going to say that we've gotten used to gore in cinema, but we certainly do expect it from certain types of films. Since the days of Herschell Gordon Lewis there have been critics of raw carnage in cinema, and to this day it takes a special someone to appreciate the gore in film. The gore does not inspire box office success. The gore does not make it to the TV edit (much). Even though we all know it to be latex and karo (or whatever the kids are using these days) the gross out is same as it ever was. You know my stance on it. I'm a fan, loyal to the gore as any good creeper would be. Think about that when you go buy this back issue and frame the absolutely menacing cover of issue #12. This is Fango for Dummies... let's get gory.

Bob Martin, editor of Fangoria in 1981 (when it was only published six times a year) love the gore too. It is his focal point for the editor's note in this issue. After receiving many a criticism of Fango's decision to include gore on its cover and in its pages Martin strikes back and defends the decision. In addition to the regular user response, The Postal Zone, Martin includes a "Readers on Gore" section which details user response on our favorite four letter word beginning with the letter "G". The arguments are worth your precious pennies on the back issue market. See excerpt above which clearly shows what your up against gore fans of the past. This argument doesn't go away... and while we're at it, Gene Siskel is not a fan of horror movies. Gene Siskel is a fan of Roger Ebert (secretly) and himself (quite openly).

Alex Gordon recants a tale of how Boris Karloff almost made his way into an Edward D. Wood Jr picture alongside Bela Lugosi in a film called Atomic Monster who's title was later stolen by the damn studio execs. After a Hollywood shuffle on Lugosi makes it into Bride of the Monster and Karloff goes on to continue his march of fame in other studio picture. There's even mention of our beloved Samuel Z. Arkoff of American International Pictures fame. One is left wondering what might happen what might have happened if Lugosi and Karloff had starred in that battle of the Hollywood monster has beens in such a late stage of their career under the direction of Ed Wood. Gordon's nostalgia is always worth your time and gives you that perspective on Hollywood in transition during the 50's and 60's.

Proof that horror does not live in a bubble is a look at the new horror picture (read Psychological thriller) is Oliver Stone's the hand. This article details Stone's burning, unrealized desire to tell a story about Vietnam but that his script writing efforts thus far had not yielded much fruit. He mentions his script for Platoon and his love of the story of Ron Kovic (remember Born on the 4th of July). He also talks about how Martin Scorsese was his film teacher at NYU and got him hot for film. Inspired by movies like Repulsion and La Dolce Vida, The Hand is combination of Oliver Stone's talent as a director and Carlo Rimbaldi's exquisite hand design. This is a classic effort by a man who would become famous for something wholly other than horror which is the grand tradition of horror cinema. Bob Martin catches him before he does any of his "real work". Having just watched Dressed to Kill, Michael Cain ain't to shabby himself.

Now for the feature article... Friday the 13th Part II. Steve Miner is brought in to direct this due to scheduling conflict with Sean Cunningham and history is made. Yet another Last House on the Left-er get a break. I don't even think that Craven truly gets recognized as a genius until Nightmare on Elm Street, but nobody even knows that's coming. The article details your typical sequel issues: Can we get the same effects guy? No, Savini's busy doing The Burning ironically. Can the sequel live up to the hype and box office prowess of the original film? We'll have to wait and see. How will the MPAA chop up the film prior to its release an effort to get an R rating? Fact: the only gore you should ever fear in a horror movie comes at the hands of the MPAA. When this movie blossoms, when the machete is firmly in forehead, when the spear has skewered two post-coital lovers... let's see what the readers of Fango have to say. Let's see what Siskel has to say. A legend is being built at Camp Crystal Lake, folks.

Beyond the feature comes a new picture from George A. Romero about a communal group of Ren-Fair geeks on Motorcycle. With Knightriders Romero gets a chance to step away from the Zed words pictures and takes aim at society from a socially critical point of view in a wholly new way. What fun! Savini and Ed Harris as opposing forces and who will soon work together on Creepshow alongside Romero and Stephen King. This kind of imagery makes me think of the Death Wheelers with an American spin all be it with a less supernatural twinge. The most important thing you'll read in the Knightriders article will be that Romero, King and Savini are working on Creepshow. They're trying to shoot it in 3D or widescreen or Black and White...something unique to bring audiences back to the big screen. Sounds like the predicament of the late 2010's to me. As always, get the asses in the seats.

There's a whole feature on Robert McKimson, director of Warner Bros. cartoons including Bugs Bunny, Foghorn Leghorn and Speedy Gonzalez. This is Fangoria still trying to figure out what it wants to be. I include this note because I consider it ironic that the forward to the entire magazine as well as 65% of the photo content of this magazine revolve around fantastic gore. Maybe we don't need to covering Looney Tunes anymore? So out of place (and I love Looney Tunes!).

House of Hammer... the syndicated television show scripted to save Hammer Studio after the crash of Lady Vanishes. This article recaps the episode list and plots along with a brief narrative on the near demise of hammer. Also important is the mention of just how Hammer plans on getting this thing distro'd in the US with such violent content in the first few episodes. While the show has its fans it really didn't save the studio for very long. A must watch for fans of Hammer if nothing else than to see what had become of their beloved studio. I myself a huge fan of Hammer do not care of the series much even though the story lines are excellent. Hopefully the new incarnation of Hammer will revisit some of these stories. Maybe flesh them out and give them the feature treatment. They're making up for lost time with their recent releases that are cutting edge. Hammer is Dead! Long Live Hammer!

As it is referred to in the magazine, THE ROGER CORMAN INTERVIEW! You want to understand the early days of the reincarnation of horror entertainment? Well you should read this interview and get familiar with Roger Corman. From Vincent Price to Karloff to SZA (that's Samuel Z Arkoff to you and Sammy Z to those who want to lose a part of their body) this is a crash course in what movie making was like post Universal Monster era. When the budgets are down but the ticket sales are up, come to Corman for a treat. I nearly forgot I was reading an interview from 1981. The first half of the interview discusses the Poe films, how they decided to start making them and how Vincent Price got involved. The real eye opener, the thing I took away from this, was that Corman stopped making the Poe movies because he wanted to stop repeating himself. He weened himself off them by transitioning some of the later adaptations into comedies and even mentioned consideration for a Gold Bug script that he would give thought to doing now that some time had passed. This is part 1. Part 2 should be legendary.

William Schloss... creator of the horror movie gimmick. You know him as the beloved, P.T. Barnum of horror, William Castle. I am a fan of his work. I do not think its schlocky and the gimmick's are what horror is all about. You get the chance to see the strange and unusual; A think you might not otherwise see. Well this plays fine in my brain. This article talks a bit about the nature of the gimmicks used to make Castle's film great, and with a documentary out about his life in recent years, much of what you'll read will seem like old info. One note I'd like to make is that Castle's concept of introducing a high pitched, anxiety inducing frequency has been used in many a horror picture though it usually comes in the form of a score. Those high pitched notes definitely put an audience on edge, perceptible or not. Maybe its time to re-explore the gimmicks of Castle since 3-D has come full circle. Horror theater needs Percepto and Emergo. Horror cinema needs a life insurance policy.

I'm not going to lie when I tell you that this issue of Fango was jampacked with some of the greatest horror had to offer circa 1981. Enter Tobe Hooper (the interview!). Tobe talks Texas Chainsaw, Eggshells (his previous theatrical release) and of course Funhouse, which had only just been released. There's a hodge podge of good info in here from the technical issues surrounding the Funhouse (wiring a set can be double hard work) to picking the right 57 piece orchestrated soundtrack for a movie about a carnival. This interview leaves you wanting a part 2. You have soooo many questions you want to ask Hooper about Salem's Lot and TCM that you forget that he's about to make Night Time with Stephen Spielberg... or as its name has been changed to... POLTER-FUCKING-GEIST (you can just leave the fucking out of that if it makes you uncomfortable).

So with this issue having that gory focus, a few interviews later we come to Inseminoid. Now I'll be perfectly honest that I have not as of yet seen this movie. It's on the list I assure you and after reading this piece about the finer points of making a sci-fi horror picture post-Star Wars I need to see it. The thing that stands out for me is the effort taken to separate itself from Star Wars. Hey, you can't beat Lucas, right? It's not worth trying to touch space films until after the holy trilogy has been completed (unless you're Star Trek... different nerds to appease). Inseminoid takes a darker vision of space and takes a gory look at its effects. I'll try to write this one up when I get around to it. Until then, it's got a name like Inseminoid. You can definitely get behind that.

There's a meet and greet with Elisabeth Brooks who plays Marsha Quist in the Howling. She discusses the finer points of the freezing cold nude scene, werewolf transformation. She also mentions that Joe Dante is a heck of a nice guy to work with, but that she wished her character's overall contribution to the film had been kept in tact rather than ending up on the cutting room floor with only limited visions of her physical sexuality left on screen. Looks like Fangoria started a scream queen/femme fatale slot here. Let's hope they continue.

Next, Fango takes a look back at horror in comic books starting before EC Comics got the books burning with a Look at Dr. Fate, Dr. Occult, The Spectre, Batman and Zatara. Some of this may be more obscure than the casual comic book will enjoy, but the best thing to take from it is that since the age where super heroes have been created they have been fighting spooks, spectres and at time have been super creepies themselves. I'm still reeling at the panel of Detective Comics where Batman states vampires can be killed with... ready... a silver bullet. Batman! C'mon! I guess we need to get Larry Talbot on the screen sooner rather than later. Having never heard of Dr. Occult before this opens up a new line of archiving I have to look through. It's supposed to be part of a multi-part series so hopefully each one is as informative as this.

Clash of the Titans makes a brief appearance in Fango #12 with a mail interview with Ray Harryhausen where production of the film is discussed. A brief look at the master at work, Harryhausen looks at COTT as the natural sequel to Jason and the Argonauts and there's mention of doing a Dante's Inferno film. Who dropped the ball?

At the end of the day there's a recap of news to come. Check out this list of films that are discussed briefly: Shock Treatment, Videodrome, Bladerunner, An American Werewolf in London, Ghost Story, Happy Birthday to Me, Cat People and Stab... Stab. Stab that is Fangoria's rebuttal to commentary that horror needs to look at Kramer vs. Kramer to trying and get its filmmaking up to par. Stab. ... Not the Stab from Scream. Well Stab may share a director with Kramer vs. Kramer and Meryl Streep, but I don't think its going to make the headway that Fango thinks it might especially since it gets renamed Still of the Night (tee hee). If you ever thought that film critics don't get horror movies, the way you'll know for certain is that they throw Kramer vs. Kramer up when the talk about the quality of film making in a horror movie. People like that need to be strapped into a chair and be forced to listen to Golden Lights by the Smiths.

Hey, if you know where this music is used in later pictures please leave a comment below. I've been racking my brain, but, as usual, I got nothin'.

There's a lot to look forward to two years into Fangoria. Keep 'em coming Bob Martin. Gore for all! Where does horror go from here? Only Fango knows for certain.

-Dr. Terror.

The House that Myers Built - A Brief Glimpse At the Myers' House Today

2011-11-07T18:28:00.000-08:00

I received a post-Halloween treat today from a good friend and colleague of mine. He is not exactly a horror fan, but grew up rather close to where our dearly beloved John Carpenter classic, Halloween was lensed in the 70's. He mentioned that if he ever drove by the abode de Myers he would send me a photo. Well it's one week after Halloween and low and behold we have some fun images I thought I'd share with of you interested in your financial future.

First off, our dear Myers' house has become resident to a business known as Ameriprise Financial. This an a rather popular, commerical-ed business for whom Tom Lee Jones acts as a spokesman. I'm sure we can play some kind of sick game where we do six degree of John Carpenter that connects Tommy Lee Jones and Carpenter rather quickly, but I think we'll go for the "secret passage" i.e. Lee Jones to Ameriprise Financial to Myers House to John Carpenter (only two steps that way!). I guess we couldn't have expected one of the most infamous houses in horror history to stay creepy for very long in a prospering local like South Pasadena, CA.

My good friend (who shall remain nameless to protect the innocent) said that it was a rather eerie place to grow up. Imagine your a youth in "Haddonfield", CA and the very place where Myers stabbed his older sister was right around the corner... nightmares? Sure! Therapy? Nearly guaranteed if you don't take up drinking first.

Well the story goes that they actually picked it up off its foundation and moved it in the late 90's. Wonder why... we are horror fans are a bit obsessive I guess. It's about five doors down and across the street from its original location. My buddy didn't quite know why this was done in all seriousness, but doesn't it look quaint with its new, less homicidal, more grounded residents? Nice paint job right? It's just so cozy. Maybe a nice family will move in there, raise a family and then have a gruesome murderer for a son. One can hope. (These are the jokes people).

For all your spook hunters out there, the house now sits next to a cafe, coffee shop. The "costume store" where Myers stole the infamous Shatner modified mask... it's an Indian restaurant. Saag Paneer anyone?

By the By, HorrorHound magazine (one of my gosh darn favoritest) usually does a Then and Now retrospective to horror places. Make sure to get every issue you can. I'm sure they've attacked this piece of prime real estate more in depth then I could hope to.

-Dr. Terror.

DR. TERROR'S 3D HALLOWEEN: A Gallery of Horror in Three Dimensions

2011-10-31T05:53:00.000-07:00

HALLOWEEN IS HERE TO STAY!!! Thank goodness it's finally here. I was about to file for bankruptcy protection the incalculable amount I was spending on decorations, costumes and candy. My dentist knows its Halloween. Guess how?

I wanted to do something special for all my friends who give a hoot and actually check this thing out from time to time. I handed out a few "party favors" to a few folks that I could afford after my massive holiday cash hemorrhage Did you wonder what those anaglyphic, red and cyan branded 3D glasses were for? First of all, I thought everyone could use a new pair. Second, I wanted to create a novelty that spoke to what this blog is all about. It's pretty much a retro active itinerary for the horror movies and things you've missed throughout the years. Nothing other than VHS gives that same feeling as a nice pair of 3D glasses. If you have your own pair of cyan and red or blue and red glasses (blue over the right eye) then this will work for you, but not like the one of a kind Dr. Terror 3D Halloween glasses (yeah right).

The images you are about to see were converted into the third dimension myself except where noted. It's not always easy and everyone sees 3D differently. Also it's an older technology that has its own drawbacks. This is my first shot at turning movies into 3D images, but I'm fairly certain it won't be my last. These are movies that were not in 3D (or maybe they were in certain circumstances) but seemed like they might have been fun to see in 3D. I did not screen capture these myself but might do that in the future. Just thank your lucky stars I didn't try to create smell-o-vision cards ala Polyester. You might not make it out of this alive.

Some tips for viewing before you peruse this gallery:
1. Viewing distance is best from just around two feet from your computer screen.
2. The room you are in should be dark.
3. Double click the image to enlarge it. This might take you out of the browser or into a new tab, but, for the most part, the larger the image the better the 3D effect will work.
4. If you are getting some doubling effects try to adjust your eyes. It's also possible that we have different size heads and different facial measurements. Everyone's a unique snowflake.
5. Have fun. Show your friends. Get grossed out. Vomit frequently to avoid fainting.

ON WITH THE SHOW!!!

REMEMBER TO CLICK THE IMAGE TO VIEW A LARGER VERSION FOR OPTIMAL VIEWING

Amityville Horror 3D (Yes, it's in 3D, but now so is the poster)

Anton Still Gets the Ladies Even Though He's Faceless. Give Ya Hope, Right?

Ash is Happy to be the Latest Contestant Chosen for the Reality TV Show in Which He Battles for His Life Against an Ever Changing, Evil. Wouldn't You Be?

IT'S A COOKBOOK! No wait. That's a different program.

How to Know if a Blind Date Just Isn't Working.

It's True! Harry Palms! (but long fingers too?)

This Guns for You.

He's a Braniac, Braniac... blah blah blah

Another movie that was already in 3D. We just wanted to play around with it.

3D ME! (Don't worry. He escapes).

Look what you've done to my sheeets (go rewatch the Crow). From the Howling.

Screaming Dokken Does Not Make You a Dream Warrior (not dreaming no more does)

You Shoulda Used Shermin Williams!

Mommy, Can I Go Out and Kill (you) Tonight!? (from Pieces)

BRAINS!

All I Want for Christmas is a Really Shiny Axe.

Horny?

Floating... not optional.

Latest Trend in Body Modification.

The Gate 3D... Better be coming soon. Until then...

Is this a remake or a prequel (of the poster)?

You call it Death Proof

Before flat screens... TV's were easier to get your head through.

The latest trend in modification... eye piercing.

Some folks have taken some of the 3D horror films of old and posted scenes on YouTube which I've included here. Please enjoy. (some of these will require you to sit farther back if you enlarge them) I assure you that I do not currently have the capability to create 3D video and when I do all Hell will most certainly break loose.

From House of Wax - Paddle Ball

Jaws 3D

Anthropophagous in 3D

Freddy's Dead 3D sequence

Friday the 13th Part III in 3D

Flesh for Frankenstein - Say Hello to Your Kidney

Some folks view 3D as a gimmick to sell tickets at a higher price and it can most certainly be that. It also has its place in horror history and, when done well, can give us that extra jolt we've been looking for. I think that you'll be seeing more of these 3D blogs going forward for special occasions and hopefully we'll make some more fun things to give away to people like the 3D glasses created for this blog. I just think its something fun to hang on to. I know I like strange gimmicky marketing material/promo stuff/gifts.

Hope to have this in REAL 3D so you can steal the glasses from your local movie theater rather than recycling because we all know that recycling is the tool of the devil Consume!

-Dr. Terror in living color and 3D (but not pictured to protect your eyes).

How to Make a Marathon the Hard Way

2011-10-30T14:36:00.000-07:00

We've been talking a lot this Halloween season about movies that are pretty damn scary. We've been talking about Exhumed Films and their Basil Hayden's premium level 24 hour horror-thon. If you're reading this than you are a 100% horror fiend. You listen to horror music. You probably read horror novels and try to convince you English Prof that the curriculum could really use a few Jack Ketchum novels. Halloween is your Christmas. Friday the 13th is your Valentine's Day. Valentine's Day is a day to celebrate Harry Wardin's birth even if it isn't Harry's birthday. Friday the13th is a day to celebrate Jason Voorhees's birth and might be an invitation to write dear old mom a letter. Our spouses hate us. Our friends won't talk to us unless its October. We are the unsinging, undancing... well, you know.

Images adapted by my good friend Marc who holds some of the best weekly double feature/marathons. He does an excellent job with invite design. This is a great way to get people to take the experience seriously.

So we watch our one off horror movies. Every weekend we're in front of the boob tube, but there's a great big void that we need to fill. We need some compatriots on our respective couches to snuggle up to, laugh or puke with and most of all, scream ludicrous humorous remarks at the screen with. I'm fairly certain that only 4% of the world actually loves horror flicks as much as we do. Half of those are closet horror lovers. 1% are serial killers or dead (but sitting in front of the TV). Well that leaves plenty of us scattered across the globe, but we need some companionship now damn it! I'm not talking about eHarmony level dating (although horror dating...get ready for the sequel). How do you bring together a bunch of fly by night, one-time-a-yearers? MARATHON THEM!

When you wanna get your friends into a few choice pictures, say a Lucio Fulci zombie gore epic or cannibal driven rape fest you need to get people together under the guise of a friendly movie marathon that "wont' really be the focal point of the night" teeeee heee heee. It's really an excuse to drink and eat popcorn and hopefully screw somebody's brains out. Well, that's what they think (well all that too). Horror fans, our marathons can have a secret agenda. We can take the opportunity to expose our friends to new and exotic film choices of which they might not be otherwise aware. We are librarians or Free Masons or some kind of sacred ritual holders that pass on from generation to generation morality (horror is the next best thing to Grimm when it's good). So you wanna make some new horror friends? You can't just find them in your locale. They're near impossible to find and when you do locate one or two you have to hold their hand and love them dearly so they don't go away to a place where there are more horror movie fans. It's a brutal game. Making your own ala Frankenstein is the safest bet. The horror movie marathon or horror-thon for short is the perfect opportunity to put Abby Normal right inside their normal little world.

The method of the marathon is as wide and varied as their are horror fans. How long do you want them to be? What's the balance of films? One genre? Historic? Chronological? Subgenre based? Director or actor? Maybe you go hodge podge. Maybe you let 'em vote. The most important thing is to have fun creating the marathon and the mood you're going for. Let's discuss some of the finer points of the horror-thon. How to plan it. Who to invite. How to pick your films. What you might do to otherwise entertain your audience.

Picking the date:
Any day is a good day for a horror-thon. First things first. If it's gonna be a long one, say over two features, you need to make sure that your audience has the time and that they don't have class or work the next morning. There's nothing worse than losing your marathon mojo when you lose your comedian or your drunken horror movie screamer. Holidays are the perfect occasion. Any and all of them apply. Christmas... we've got movies for that. Valentines' Day... you know we can do that. Graduating college? St.Patrick's Day... Tuesday. Wednesday... any day. Just make sure that if you're doing a theme that you match it date, time of day or work schedule appropriate. When I was a kid we used to throw our marathon's on Friday night because if you had it Saturday you'd lose half the kids to church goers and your parents would come down every five seconds telling you just how loud you were being. Tedious. Planning is everything. Of course Halloween and the month of October generally great for this kind of party. It's easy to get the asses in the seats.

Picking your line up:
Now that you have them in the seats and they can stay awhile, what do you plan on showing them? Like we said before you can pick topic you like. We'll list a bunch out through out this blog, but you are limited only by your imagination (so go watch the Muppet Babies and get some ideas flowin'). One thing to consider is that you don't have to have a theme at all. The movies you decide to choose could be luck of the draw. Flip a coin or randomly pick movies out of a hat or a stack. You might also create tournament style brackets and have the films battle it out. You might consider having your audience vote for their favorites. In the tournament style pick, you might have them "battle each other". You'd choose a movie to move forward based on any criteria you like. Let's say strength of villain or quality of movie. You work through the movies as if they were boxers or wrestlers fighting to move forward. This is a favorite for the non-horror fan because it brings a competitive, sports like feel to watching movies.

Some topics/themes to consider might be:
Zombies
Cannibals
Exploitation Films
Holiday Themed movies (you are limited only by what you celebrate... get kinky)
Vamps
Man Made Monsters
Mutants
Children based horror fiction
Movies featuring naked stars
Best one liner pictures
Troma movies or movie done by your favorite independent studies
Italian horror
Japanese horror

... add your favorite in the comments below. This is a very tame list full of non creative ideas. Remember, your trying to get folks into horror flicks or trying to bring a greater appreciation for the more obscure pictures (or maybe you're just trying to get your crowd ready to be bedded). Get them excited. (perve). Remember that getting the audience involved in the selection can excite them and really movie your marathon forward, but don't expect them to know what they're picking and make sure you guide them by choosing a satisfactory pool of films. Not all marathons have a theme with a common thread. The best typically include a variety of pictures and genre without thread and with clever attention to the ebbs and flow of the pictures conscious of audience energy levels.

What to serve your guests:
I have found that beer and whiskey make excellent horror movie companions. This is why I have ceased to drink. Booze and horror films can go a long way. Drinking games based on the movies will get your only so far. Sure your guests will pay attention for awhile, but once they've had too much you might have trouble wrangling them in. That's if they can remember that they are watching movies or will remember them the next day. So make sure that your motive is more social then educational. Make sure that you buy plenty of booze too. All night movie marathons can require plenty of liquor. I hosted a 16 movie film marathon at my friends house once over the course of a weekend. We went through two and half widowmakers of Jack Daniels and plenty o' beer. We had take out food on tap, but we didn't make it through all the movies. The silent pictures (like Der Golem failed) and even getting them to sit through a classic like A Nightmare on Elm Street was a struggle. This is marathon where I actually gave them the chance to vote on the movies too. They didn't know what they were voting for even though I labeled the films "silent". We had a blast but we barely made it through half of the films.

Do not try to get complicated with your food. Keep it simple or theme appropriate. Again, make sure you have enough to last the entire marathon or you'll end up leaving the films to stay alive. You can really throw off the flow of a horror-thon.

The Devil is in the details:
Make sure you set the mood. Sleep bags... great choice. Make your guests feel like its a slumber party and they'll be transferred back to their childhood. They'll revel in it until they wake up the next day with an achy back. Make sure to put scary decorations up that are holiday or theme appropriate. Setting the mood will say "it's time to watch some scary movies". I made tickets for one of my marathons. Just printed them off my home computer. You don't have to get elaborate,but invitations, tickets, voting ballads, coffins with guns in them (see House on Haunted Hill with Vincent Price)... they'll make it an experience and not just another boring night in front of the boobtube. If you show your friends that you take these movies serious enough to set up your home like a spookhouse, then maybe they'll take the movies just that much more serious.

You can make them come in costume (you kinky bastard). You can play party games especially around Halloween. Those could definitely include drinking games but could be trivia or truth or dare... maybe you could play a game of Ghost in the Graveyard, a horror board game, a video game (Silent Hill or maybe Friday the 13th for the NES... maybe Castlevania). Maybe midway through you hold a game tournament then back to the movies.

Guest selection:
You have a variety of friends, but the best groups usually mimic the group of teens from the Breakfast Club or some reasonable stereotype grouping there of. You can put too many jocks together or two many prisses. Too many nerds work a-ok, but they have to be horror nerds. You can lose your audience. That doesn't mean that you can't just invite your buddies over, but know your audience. They are your friends after all.

I guess that about wraps it up. Make sure you stick to the rules you set but it's not a public event (unless it is a public event). Make sure you pick out the movies and have them ready with back ups in case something happens. You can get a squeamish horror-thoner who can't handle Cannibal Holocaust and then you're done for... especially if you're back up is Green Inferno or Make them Die Slowly. Plan ahead. Do you're homework. Be the best horror dork you can be. I hope that they come back for more or ask you about "that Argento guy" more often after you show them a couple movies.

Happy Horror-thoning.

-Dr. Terror

PS: Send them home with goodie bags!

Movies to Scare the Sh!t Out of You: HALLOWEEN III: Season of "I'm Too Scared To Ever Wear a Mask Again"!

2011-10-28T21:13:00.001-07:00

This entry gets as much flack for not being representativeof the slasher in chief that gave the original two films their lofty success asthe remake of A Nightmare on Elm Street gets for not having Robert Englundportray Fred Kruger. Because of thissimple marketing “error” this film gets dumped on, spit on, shit upon… name thebodily fluid, put it in motion and aim directly at this film. That’s what’sbeen done to Tommy Lee Wallace’s masterpiece. What’s that I say? Masterpiece! I’m not purest. I don’t mindvariety. I just want a great horror picture that gives me more than the grossout, can make me laugh and can TELL A STORY. Halloween III tells a story… awarning in the fashion of Grimm.

Classic Trailer:

Amazing TV Teaser Spot:

You think Michael Myers is Scary? How about Conal Cochran?Dark, deep voiced man from Ireland who founded a toy company that makes trulyterrifying masks. Cochran at first glance is the grandfather you always wanted.Congenial. Has toys. … Old. You don’tassume he’s the boogeyman just by looking at him which isn’t necessarilymisdirection when you think of how this movie was marketed, but the filmmanages to take you just a little off guard.

Those masks are perfect. Simple, novelty variations onclassic Halloween designs. A Skull. A Pumpkin. A Witch. These are the thingsthat should terrify you as you trick or treat on Halloween night. Forget the Power Rangers and forget beingBarney. When you dress up for Halloweenat least try to make it scary. I realize that for some people Halloween issimply a dress up day. It’s a play day for your kids. A day when the neighborsgive out candy. For me Halloween will bethe day when you get to play scary. Sure, you’re playing, but you’re playingthe nightmares that fill your sleepless hours. I guess that really brings home why I love this film so much. Yes, themasks are Cochran are spooky, but there’s a concept here that is altogethervery unconsumer. Youth rules the world.Youth demand Silver Shamrock masks. Parents act as good consumers and slaves totheir kids. Kids get the mask they desire and kids DIE! Somebody get Aesop onthe phone.

There are a few parts of this picture that get my attentionand we’ll go into them in detail, but the most important reason for likingHalloween III is the diatribe delivered ever so bluntly by Cochranhimself. After Tom Atkins is caught bythe Silver Shamrock rabble. He is delivered the typical James Bond, bad guyplot map. Cochran breaks out a whole lotta plot in a very short period of timeto fill you in on everything you may have missed while you were groping yourgirlfriend. Here is the speech thatfreaks me out.

In part, I understand exactly where he’s coming from. Therewas a time when Halloween was a completely different holiday. I think there’splenty of info on Samhain (the mispronunciations are endless) and there truestory of our modern day festival of the dead. What gets me going is that I’msure that someone actually believes this. Maybe not enough to steal a piece of Stonehenge,but enough to put a razor in your apple. Now I know that the storiessurrounding the innumerable harmful incidents of children being hurt via candybar are the stuff of urban legend, but there’s no reason to think that there’sa Cochran out there that believes he can change the world in his image. He’s a terrorist of sorts, but with a magicalforce at his command and a clever delivery system.

The Silver Shamrock song and logo are iconic. To this daywe, the horror nerds of the world, look upon the Silver Shamrock logo and areperpetually certain that it is 8 days until Halloween and that it’s “almosttime”. We also feel the need to buy masks even though the Don Post re-issueshave not been mass market released in some time (soon). The song is catchy. Thevoice is annoying… on the first go around. Then it gets in your head like somany insects or snakes and pretty soon you can’t stop singing the jingle. This is my favorite Facebook post during theautumn months.

How about those men in the gray suits? How about that yellowblood? Tom Atkins just punches right through the fucker, so I guess SilverShamrock isn’t the mark of quality they would have us all believe they are.Those robot/humanoids are pretty bad ass. The drill sequence? The head removal …tossedit like a basketball. The use of soundthroughout the picture adds to a healthy dose of suspense and gross out and thefact that the gray suited minions of Cochran are silent reinforces every kill.Maybe almost Michael Myers like?

Should Halloween III have been given the gold crown of the Halloweenfranchise name? In my humble opinion, absolutely. The concept was simple. Afterthe success of the first two pictures tell a different tale of terror each yearunder the Halloween name. I love thisidea. I wish it had caught on and I think that we’ve finally seen that happenwith the Saw and Paranormal Activity franchises (whether you like them or notthe marketing is working). If thisconcept had caught on we might never have known Jamie or the man in black. Laurie Strode would have lived. Maybe shewould have made curly headed babies with that nice EMT Jimmy. You may find it a bit campy at times, butsome of the gore in this picture has definite vomit bag potential. A horror film with insects has a highprobability of success in the heebie jeebie factor. Add insects to a kids headand now you can fear for your child’s life ever October 31^st.

-Dr Terror … mask on, jingle in head, waiting for nineo’clock for the big giveaway.

Movies to Scare The Sh!t Out of You: THE GATE - You Mean You Guys Were Serious About That Demon Stuff?

2011-10-27T21:20:00.000-07:00

Estes 2157 Saturn V Flying Model Rocket Kit… 1/100th Scale Model. Limited Edition. Flies on Estes D12-3 Engine. OVER 3 FEET TALL! $56.24 and it qualifies for Super Saver Shipping on Amazon.

What a bargain right? No? You think it’s not a bargain? Oh, you have no need to build a replica Saturn V Flying Model Rocket. I understand completely because I have no need to build a model rocket of this caliber either. This thing is for serious, experienced collectors only. People who know how to launch a rocket right up into space. Or maybe directly into a demon from fucking Hell.

I don’t believe that the Saturn V is the edition that Stephen Dorff uses to destroy the gargantuan mama demon in the movie the Gate. I really haven’t looked into it more than the rather generic, sci fi title given to Glen’s implement of destruction, but I firmly believe that a well armed populace is the only thing that stands between holy war and civilization as we know it. In honor of Glen’s illustrious achievement in slaying a demon from hell (or multiples there of) first we will post a little collection of weapons that could easily have been used in the killing of said demon. These are some fantastic rockets that are available for purchase on Amazon at this very moment. Also, we have some of the accessories/launch materials. Stay tuned after the “montage of missiles” to enjoy a brief discussion of why this film scares the ever loving shit out of me (thus the title of the blog series).

Now that we’ve got the Freudian cock monster portion of the evening out of the way, let’s get down to the real frightful stuff. Monster design is key in this film. Harryhausen esque claymation style minions that look almost rodent like, but with this “I’m damned, I have eyes that squint damnation” look on every single one of their faces. They’re so damn life like. They have some genuine human emotions about them. Maybe not human precisely, but animal. Sure, there are times where they are slightly unbelievable (that’s a big slightly) but most of the time we are looking at very realistic little buggers. Best of all… they’re people in suits shot with forced perspective. Did this film deserve an Oscar for the effects work? If you say, “no”, you are incorrect. The mama/daddy demon at the end of the film is a more stoic versions of the miniature demon henchman that plague Glen, his family and friends throughout the picture. If you aren’t scared of these guys after you watch the film I demand you comment below: “Dr. Terror is a Giant Pussy!” I won’t take offense, but you will have revealed yourself as a wolf in nerd’s clothing.

Beyond the amazing effects there are just these little heart strings pulls that will make you feel sympathy for Glen. His dog dies and is discovered dead while his best friend dances with the dog who he believes is his deceased mother… who comes up with that? It’s vicious. Sorry kid, your dog is dead. Sorry kid, your mom is dead. Both of you… get ready for therapy in about twenty years. The movie just tackles the essence of being a kid. Can’t do anything you really should be able to (because you’ve done those things already when they told you not to and you’re alive). You get punished for doing the “cool” thing. Sleepovers. Satanic Heavy Metal. It’s what being a kid is all about.

Speaking of Heavy Metal, I’m not sure which faux film band I enjoy more: Sacrifyx from The Gate or Blood Sausage from the Amazing Stories: Go To the Head of the Class Episode. The back masking evil incantation is a terrible thing to waste. Now being a fan of 80’s metal definitely doesn’t hurt your chances of loving this film or any horror film made the 80’s. As we all know, the music marketing machine tried to pump some serious talent into our favorite slasher flicks. I’m sure we’ll do a blog about that some day. Most bloggers love to tackle that and since music a real passion of mine, we’ll get around to it. Here’s a little dream I’ll share with you… since I’m pretty sure it ain’t happening in my life time. I always wanted to take my former band, the Vaudeville Vampires, and cover some choice 80’s heavy metal music, specifically horror movie related. This may happen still someday, but the one project I thought most challenging and worth our while was to form the fake band, Sacrifyx, for real on stage. Costume it up. Release a fake CD/cassette tape. Total camp/ham stuff. Any interested readers in the New Jersey area feel free to drop me a line.

Terry Rocks My Bloody Socks!:

Terry and Glen… THE FRESH FACE OF THE SCIENTIFIC HEAVY METAL FAN:

Here’s the song listing per IMDB:

• "NO PLEASURE"
Song and video by Eva Everything
Courtesy of Great Shakes Productions

• "EVERYBODY'S RUNNING"
By Vince Carlucci and Sandy MacFayden

• "LOVE WILL FIND A WAY"
By Vince Carlucci
Courtesy of Secret Songs Publications

• "DELUSIONS OF GRANDEUR"
By Carl Tafel
Performed by Terraced Garden
Courtesy of Melody & Menace Records

• "YES IT'S TRUE"
By Julia Bourque
Performed by True Confessions
Courtesy of Bomb Records

• "MODERN PERSONALITY"
By Julia Bourque
Performed by True Confessions
Courtesy of Bomb Records

Note before we leave this topic: The logo on the back of Terry’s jacket is for the band The Killer Dwarfs out of Canada. We love Canada. Here are the Killer Dwarfs:

This movie is a hodge podge of good, wholesome 80’s acting, solid effects and animation combined with “the kitchen sink” as in everything but the. It seems to wander from scary demon to corpse to Satan’s majesty to Witchboard (yes, Witchboard).

Before we go, the scene that scares me the most… When Al is staring into the mirror and sees the rotted corpse ghost of the dead workman. Just thinking about it might keep my pupils dilated for the evening.

-Dr. Jimmy

Given all the talk about the band Sacrifyx you may want to consider getting your very own T-shirt from the infamous band that clearly doesn’t exist but is the inspiration for at least one nightmare in my memory.

Mondo Tees - SACRIFYX!!!

Movies to Scare the Sh!t out of You – MAGIC – When Charlie Met Fats

2011-10-26T17:17:00.000-07:00

In 1978, a movie was released that was utterly terrifying. Like Halloween, it proved you didn’t have to taller than four feet to commit murder. You also didn’t have to be human although Dr. Loomis would make it quite clear that Michael Myers wasn’t human either. Unlike Myers, Fats, the ventriloquist dummy was often time quite humorous. Enter the world of Magic starring Ann Margaret, Burgess Meredith and Anthony Hopkins. Some people are afraid of clowns irrationally. Some people are afraid of insects, maybe somewhat more rationally. Others are afraid of pieces of wood that talk. I am of that ilk.

This might not be our cup of tea. It’s more psychological thriller than ultimately true horror tale. You won’t find any hardcore gore. You will see Ann Margaret in her unmentionables. You won’t find any masked killers. You will find clever one liners that might put a certain man of your nightmares to shame.

Synopsis:

“Magician's assistant Corky performs disastrously at his first solo appearance. He is given a ventriloquist dummy called Fats to improve his act and within a few years Corky is at the height of fame. However, Fats has developed a mind of his own and wants to control his master.”

Now this idea that Hopkins as Corky loses control of his mind to Fats, the dummy does not in itself scare me. It’s the god damn dummy itself. Fats is one creepy lookin’ motherfucker. Strangely shaped head with oversized features… something like Lilly Tomlin after a thousand bee stings. As you may remember, I have a certain hatred of the V-Dummies. Ever since I owned a Charlie McCarthy replica and watched “The Dummy” episode of the Twilight Zone I’ve pretty much kept a firm distance from their type of humor. Let me recant, shall I?

When I was a young man I humbly requested of Santa Claus one dummy used in the art of ventriloquism, or the art of throwing your voice to an inanimate doll specially designed to perform the motions of speech. This dummy was based on the image of Charlie McCarthy who was the dummy of Edgar Bergen. While I had never owned one previous to my sighting of Mr. McCarthy in the Macy’s big holiday catalog, I was certain he was for me. Strange looking. Monocle. Top Hat. Cute.

Edgar Bergen and Charlie (Terrify Me!):

On Christmas morning I received a very welcome surprise, Charlie. He was perfect although the felt top hat would soon lose its form and the monocle wouldn’t stay in the groove designed to hold it in place. I didn’t quite know what to do with him, but tried my best to perform acts of ventriloquism. My attempts were probably much like you would see on any sitcom where the bratty kid ask for the doll of his dreams only to find that he hasn’t a clue as how to disguise his mouth from moving. Needless to say I quickly grew apart from Charlie. He lay on my floor among the other misfit, stuffed animals.

Until I started to have dreams that Charlie was chasing me. He would chase me down the stairs and move of his own volition. He had a creepy voice. Nasally, and that was before I saw The Dummy. That was before I saw Magic. I guess to accurately mimic a person’s voice you might have to use a little more nose than usual. My nightmares were vivid, and I began to imagine that some of them actually took place during the day. One fateful day, just before dinner time, I was lying on my bed upside down and playing the way kids do. I stared at McCarthy. He stared back. And he opened his mouth and spoke. Now this is where I can’t tell reality from the fantasy. Did Charlie speak? I have not a clue. I’d like to believe that dummies like Charlie don’t speak. I like to believe I was dreaming again, but I can honestly say that I wasn’t. Charlie said a few words on his own. I can’t remember what he said, but it wasn’t anything of merit. It was just a few words.

Immediately following this episode, Charlie ended up gagged and duct tapped in my dresser drawer. I found a friend who had a similar problem independent of my own problem and we commiserated about the state of our entrapment by living doll. Eventually, Charlie would say goodbye at the tail end of a garage sale.

Now I realize that this story doesn’t quite mesh with the plot of Magic, but I think it illustrates quite clearly why you should fear the ventriloquist doll. Who knows what words you putting in its mouth. As for Magic itself, sure the dummy is a total creep out, but supported with some great acting by Hopkins and Meredith you being to believe Corky’s torment. You lose the boundary between fantasy and reality not unlike I did and, unfortunately for our protagonist, Fats wins the day. Murder. Sexual promiscuity. Disproportionate fake little people.

Here’s what I want you to do… go on down to Toys R Us, buy a ventriloquist doll and sit down with a double feature of Magic and the Dummy episode from the Twilight Zone. Maybe throw in Poltergeist for good measure and to complete the image. Then sit the dummy across from you at bed time. Sleep if you dare.

-Dr. Terror.

Movies to Scare the Shit out of You - Horror Hotel – You Wanna Start Somethin’ With Me?

2011-10-25T19:43:00.000-07:00

Check into horror hotel
This place is creepy and it's somber too
And a little vampira wrapped on my neck, said
Say something, say something
You wanna start something with me

Well, take it up to room 21
Where all the creatures gonna have their fun
And underworld dangers and underworld scum
Take it up to room 21

And down the hall with my vampire girlfriend
Say something, say something
You wanna start something with me, here at

Horror hotel, horror hotel
Horror hotel, horror hotel
It's up to me

Gather round the place of the demon whore
And my girl in room 21
Well, underworld dangers and underworld scum
Take it up to room 21

Down the hall with my vampire girlfriend
Say something, say something
You wanna start something with me here at

Horror hotel, horror hotel
Horror hotel, horror hotel
It's up to me when it comes down to necking with girls

Horror hotel, horror hotel
Horror hotel, horror hotel
It's up to me

For those of you who believe that the only frightening film of the 1960’s was Psycho (with which this film would be compared) check in to Horror Hotel. Also known as The City of the Dead, this film was shot at the legendary Shepperton Studios in England where just about every piece of amazing Amicus footage was shot in the 60’s and 70’s even though this isn’t an Amicus picture. This is a public domainer… means that nobody owns the distro rights anymore and you can pretty much d what you’d like with it. It gets as much play as Night of the Living Dead on the horror host circuit for that reason alone, but you wanna know something? This is a scary picture.

Synopsis (from the I to the M to the D to the B):

“A young coed (Nan Barlow) uses her winter vacation to research a paper on witchcraft in New England. Her professor recommends that she spend her time in a small village called Whitewood. He originally cam from that village so he also recommends she stay at the "Raven's Inn," run by a Mrs. Newlis. She gets to the village and notices some weird happenings, but things begin to happen in earnest when she finds herself "marked" for sacrifice by the undead coven of witches. It seems that the innkeeper is actually the undead spirit of Elizabeth Selwyn, and the "guests" at the inn are the other witches who have come to celebrate the sacrifice on Candalmas Eve. As one of them said when Nan walked away, "HE will be PLEASED."

So you can show it without fear of retaliation, but there’s more than meets the eye. It’s not some B picture that you are meant to disregard even if the production value is somewhat lower and its lack in the significant abundant of tits and gore that you might find in a 70’s witchcraft picture. Hell, it’s G rated compared to any of the inquisition films that would come later. Maybe I’m partial to stories about witches and warlocks and Satan, but this film has dark imagery and feelings that, despite an overactive fogger, is quite real. It goes beyond any exploitation related content (boobs couldn’t have hurt it though). Let’s run a scenario right quick to see if it sounds familiar to any of you ghoulies.

You’ve been reading in Weird NJ that a certain cemetery in the middle of a rather rural area of the state is haunted. By what, you have no idea, but people have heard things and said they’ve seen strange things (and no clarification). You decide to explore the cemetery. In the dark. So you won’t get caught and so you might actually get the opportunity to see a real ghost. Bragging rights and stardom will be yours. Poor weary ghost hunter from NJ, you will leave disappointed or fooled by a group of your friends. Now everything up the failure follows in similar fashion to Horror Hotel. You read something or study something that perks your interest based on true, “detailed” accounts by “reputable” sources. You decide to do your own private investigation to validate or invalidate the idea in question. In your search you will enter into a world that is slightly off putting… now if what you had been searching was real you might be dead or readied for sacrifice by the next reel. Since you’re not, you should try reading more reputable books on haunting or supernatural encounters. If you’re dead, you’re not reading this and maybe someday I’ll be the schmuck who ghost hunts you and disproves my own lousy blog analogy.

In Horror Hotel, you’re getting the “choose your own adventure” that doesn’t deliver you a pot of gold at the end of a dark, dark trek into the woods. So when you watch Horror Hotel you feel as though you’ve entered your very own personal ghost/witch/supernatural hunt only to find out that the devil is, in fact, real. Combine that with some classic 60’s actors including our beloved Christopher Lee and the story becomes quite believable. Obviously a work of fiction, but there’s nothing in this movie up until the end that doesn’t feel like it couldn’t really be happening. Curses and intimate relations with Satan… I’ll buy that.

Sure it’s in black and white, but so was Psycho… and while we’re on that subject of the lonesome insanity of good ol’ Norman, I’ve read that this film can be compared to Psycho. Sure, there are a few choice similarities. While I love Hitchcock, Psycho has never been my favorite work. I prefer Rope and the animal revenge epic, the Birds. I suppose if you’re going to travel anywhere that’s somewhat remote you may have to stay at a hotel or a motel… there’s always Dead and Breakfast, did that rip off Psycho? If you’re visiting a strange place, somewhat far away, you might have blond hair… maybe you wanted a different cut or your hairdresser convinced you that low lights were really the very in thing to do. Once you’ve realized that, hey, they’re not for you it’s time to dye it… BLOND (not Black, Peter Steel RIP). So if you go to a strange place you might stay at a strange hotel/motel. When you get there, you may have blond hair and if you get there with blond hair and snoop around showing clear intent to uncover the centuries old truth on the prevalent history of black magic in the locale, you might just get yourself stabbed. And if you get yourself stabbed, well, you shoulda never left your front door. What I’m trying to say is that despite all the similarities you can find these similarities to Psycho in any film. Didn’t that feel like “If You Give a Mouse a Cookie”? It was nearly unintentional. Even if the producer of this film were to come and say that he was ripping off Psycho I wouldn’t care or believe it. The film was made around the same time as Psycho, but was released before Psycho but after the book. Remember that grain of salt you were hanging on to? Well you can take that last statement with it.

I think if you wanna take a look at a movie that bears quite a bit of similarity to our beloved Horror Hotel but not Psycho, venture a gaze at the Mask of Satan aka Black Sunday by the great, Mario Bava. The imagery bears some resemblance. Also release in 1960, there are claims that Horror Hotel “borrowed” certain concepts or stole directly certain imagery. I’ll buy that. It doesn’t change my opinion, but could happen.

Not convinced? Well Iron Maiden, Rob Zombie and King Diamond have all used this film in some fashion in their own horrifying works. Those names are names that command a great deal of respect in the metal and horror work alike. Iron Maiden tell twisted tales of terror through their songs not limited to but including Number of the Beast… about… THE DEVIL!!! King Diamond writes elaborate tales that span entire albums. Rob Zombie uses the silver screen and included a sample from Horror Hotel in his hit single Dragula.

It may not be the “Check in, but you won’t check out” tagline that Fred Kruger might deliver you, but “SCREAM With Guests From The "Other World" When You Ring For DOOM SERVICE!” gets my blood pumping and has me craving an overpriced cheeseburger.

Enjoy some musical sampling from our three minstrels of madness.

ROB ZOMBIE – DRAGULA

IRON MAIDEN – BRING YOUR DAUGHTER TO THE SLAUGHTER

KING DIAMOND – SLEEPLESS NIGHTS

Say something, say something
You wanna start something with me, here at…

-Dr. Terror

Movies to Scare The Sh!t Out of You: THE MIST, Bastard Son of THE FOG

2011-10-24T17:00:00.000-07:00

I have to learn that just because a few Stephen King movies flop doesn’t mean it’s an excuse not to watch every god damn last one of them. I wrote a piece about the movie Thinner not too long ago and was surprised at just how much I enjoyed it. Everything about that movie looked bad, but I was sick and it was On Demand so I figured it was time to give it a shot. Through the credits I kept thinking that it was going to be an absurd waste of time. The same way Are You Scared? was a waste of time that very day. Well I’m a convert. Thinner was an entertaining film with some impressive special effects. It’s a King story that wasn’t altogether butchered even though quite a few forgivable liberties were taken. It’s nice to be proven wrong. I guess when Sometimes They Come Back and Sleepwalkers came on the screen as well as the countless eight hour miniseries I got just a wee bit turned off. I now have an overabundance of Stephen King adaptations, for better or worse, that I have never watched and have the pleasure of enjoying. I’ve seen the 80’s classics, but I’m ready now. Especially after I see tonight’s entry into movies that just scare the ever lovin’ shit outta me, The Mist.

From what I understand, I’m the last horror fan on Earth to have seen this movie. It had been hyped again and again. People told me to watch it. People I trust. Somehow I ended up ignoring it and thinking that it was just another poor example of a King story on film. I have seen the error of my ways. Break out your fog lamps.

Synopsis:

“A freak storm unleashes a species of blood-thirsty creatures on a small town, where a small band of citizens hole-up in a supermarket and fight for their lives.”

Can you blame me for not wanting to see this movie with a description like this? This is all I’d read about day in and day out. Now you know I’m not big on summarizing film plots but when you read something like the aforementioned, IMDB entry you have to wonder why the author missed the boat. We all like creatures, but there’s a bigger picture here.

TERROR-OPSIS:

When a violent storm pummels a Maine town into disaster mode, the residents go into recovery mode only to find that the real threat is about to begin. Shortly thereafter a thick fog sets in, trapping a group of residents in a grocery store. What they will soon discover are the strange insect-like creatures of gigantic proportions that have appeared out of nowhere.

These aren’t the insects of A Bug’s Life. These are insects from another dimension; large and fierce. Each one seems to be strengthened or empowered versions of insects we have in our own world. When they begin to attack, our trapped friends don’t have a can of RAID or a bug bomb large enough to handle this infestation. What you have got to love about this picture is the variety of baddies. Tentacles, Spiders, Flying insects and my personal favorite, giant praying mantis. Mantises scare the hell out of me even on a small scale. To understand better why this movie gets under my skin let’s go back to my childhood to discuss some bug related incidents. Maybe you have your own you’d like to share below? We’ll go through each one by bug type.

BEES:

When I was a child no more than four, I remember seeing this cute flying thing that looked furry. I know that I had seen and held wooly bear caterpillars. How different could this be? Well the damn thing stung me when I tried to pick it up which pretty much started my phobia of bees. It’s getting better every year. I remember going to Boy Scout camp and having three separate bee attacks perpetrated on my back and neck. This was damn near traumatizing. I’m still not sure how I made it out of that day or what happened for the rest of the trip. I was too put off after having been stung. Now there aren’t really bees in this film, but they flying insects inspire the same level of intense fear.

SPIDERS:

I know I know… everyone’s afraid of spiders. I’ve had too many encounters with these 8 legged fuckers than I care to remember. One incident stands out from early childhood. I was playing with wood block in the basement of our house. I looked up at the concrete wall and there stood a spider the size of adult males hand. Looking back, it was probably a large wolf spider. I don’t know if anyone killed it or whether it just disappeared into the inch gap surrounding the basement, but the image has stuck with me. Right next to that old refrigerator. It ruined basements for me. I could barely play down there and definitely not by myself. Years later I was running through a summer camp and nearly ran into similarly sized arachnid only this one was bright yellow and black. I watched it devour a grasshopper. I can’t believe I didn’t end up with that damn thing on my face.

PRAYING MANTIS:

This is the most innocent of all. Again, I’m a little boy and I see this green thing crawling over the flower in our backyard. I assume it is a grasshopper although I can’t remember having picked up a grasshopper either. When I picked it up to hold it I feel an intense shooting pain. It is, in fact, a praying mantis that has just pierced my skin with one of its point arms. I threw dropped it and ran. I respect the mantis now. I fear the mantis.

While those may seem like fairly normal experiences they pretty much put me off the creepy crawlies. It’s one of the reasons that The Mist works on me. It plays on the greatest fears of my childhood no matter how rationalized. I’m not certain that the effects are the reason for my terror and sickness at this film. I think it has to do more with the Mist’s human element and how better than to tell a human story than Frank Darabont.

David Drayton and family remind me a lot of my small family. Ordinary. Not much too us. Absolutely in love with one another. I don’t know that I could have appreciated this film in the same way without my family, but I also think that it startled me more because I could feel Drayton’s anxiety the entire time. The Mist is a giant monster/bug picture to be certain, but it isn’t. It’s a family story. A story of relationships and with an overlay of battles within society and the argument for and against religion It takes on and blends quite a few arguments into one and at the fulcrum one man and his family. If you take out the bugs. If you take out the mist. If you take out the storm. You are left with people struggling with the same arguments they have daily. The same struggles for power exist on your cable news program every morning. So maybe that’s why I love the Mist. Maybe it scares me because it feels like my life only amplified and in a bug jar.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Religious zealots scare me more than monsters. Maybe not more than spiders but at least you can put a silver bullet in a werewolf. Zealots don’t die… neither do their ideas. Maybe that’s why I’m terrified of this picture. Having been subject to several bouts of religiously based discrimination throughout my life both for having a spiritual belief (even if subdued) and for taking great pleasure in subjects that zealots find sinful, I’m pretty much a walking persecution complex. So maybe that’s why I’m so damn frightened of this film. The religious right gets to have their day in the sun… well, in the mist. Maybe that’s why I’m fascinated by the Salem Witch Trials. Either way, there is an anger I have felt while watching this picture that occurs seldom and actually inspires a very real physical sense of nausea.

When the Mist was over I went upstairs and hugged my family. I laid down and watched cartoons and goofed off and tried to appreciate every minute I was with them. I even got a little teary eyed. I couldn’t bear to tell my wife what I just watched because it would have surely had me balling like a kid. The Mist tugs on all the right heart strings. It sticks with you all the way to the almost predictable end, through one of the greatest scores in recent memory. Even thinking about it now makes me want to protect my home a little better. Prepare for inclement weather. Maybe buy some bug spray.

-Dr. Terror.

Movies to Scare The Sh!t Out of You: [REC] or Turn Off the Damn Camera and Swing It Like A Weapon

2011-10-24T03:49:00.000-07:00

[REC] and its sequel, [REC]2, have created just the tiniest bit of paranoia in me. Have you seen them? Did you see Quarantine and its sequel and somehow think that you may have actually seen [REC] but in English with slightly more well known actors and actresses with a higher production value? I’ll tell ya, when I bring up this film nine times out of ten I get the whole, “oh yeah, I know that movie. I saw it. It’s called Quarantine.” Is Quarantine the same as [REC]? Not even remotely. It is true that one is a re-imaging of the other only in the English language. It is also true that the plots are nearly identical. I think I’ve socially network bashed Quarantine to death for simply one reason. One reason more than any other film in which I have placed my dirty talons and ripped; More than the remake of April Fool’s Day. We’ll save that one for the day I get my first prostate exam. Quarantine… the same as [REC]? Saying that they are the same film will only earn you the really real world version of detention with me as your supervisor and forced to endure the remake of Nightmare on Elm Street (because ya’ll hate it so much). I think that the second time I’ve threatened NOES on someone. Maybe even the third.

Forget about Quarantine for the rest of this blog. If you think that you know the story that is told in [REC] it is your first duty to go back and re-watch or watch for the first time this classic piece of demon/plague terror. First, a word from our sponsor (or at least they should be my sponsor with how much I quote from them):

“REC (stylized as [●REC])” follows a Spanish late-night television reporter, Angela Vidal, through the lens of her cameraman, Pablo. During one report of the happenings in a local fire station in Barcelona, the duo follow a team of firefighters who get a call from an apartment building nearby about a trapped woman. When they arrive, they find the apartment's residents huddled in the lobby. They go upstairs to find a woman who is obviously distressed. What follows is a night that none of them will ever forget.” (FYI.. that’s a combo WIKI/IMDB punch of death)

From the outset of this picture you get the feeling like you’re actually watching the news. The quality is less than perfect. The reality film style allows for normal camera errors and inaccuracies. That’s not to say that the film is under produced or amateurish. It’s intentional attention to flaw is a mask it puts on to make you forget that you’re watching a horror picture. The suspension of disbelief is practically instantaneous; Maybe the best example of this film style since the Blair Witch Project; Maybe since Cannibal Holocaust. The boogeyman’s greatest weapon, as is the Devil’s, is misdirection. Look over here while I cover this pitfall with a rug so you can fall right into it. The boogeyman or filmmaker in this case creates an illusion of security. While you’re staring at the screen thinking you’re in the comfort of your own home, watching the news (all be the news in Spanish for the unilingual folks in the room) then he’s got you. Juame Balaguero is your boogeyman, and he reels you into his little ruse.

You open the door at the end of the fire call and enter into a world of claustrophobia. It is a world that has transformed itself from infinite possibility to a cage without hope of escape. If that isn’t enough for you then our boogeyman will throw in what would appear to be zombies. Fast moving, Danny Boyle zombie-like creatures that run at your with vicious teeth thrashing like a friggin’ Great White shark. Are they zombies? Something else? Beyond the fear of overpowering claustrophobia and the fear of being imprisoned you know have to deal with something trying to eat your face off and you have no idea what that something might be. It looks human, but makes sounds that are beyond animal. The sounds you hear are ten steps above a Regan McNeil. The fear of this unknown nemesis that hasn’t shown you his Achilles heel is great for building suspense and is damaging to any sense of hope you may have previously had.

I won’t go through the nitty gritty of the film. The play by play is reserved for those who watch the movie and share in the horror. I will tell you that there is something in the end of the film, an effect… a make-up job, so vicious that I find it difficult to walk in the dark for several hours after the film. If I fall asleep on the couch after seeing the end of the picture and then wake up at 3am, ready for bed, I have to negotiate with myself to get myself off the couch. I have to convince myself that the movie I had just seen was only a movie. Demons or Zombies or Plague… when it looks like that it doesn’t matter. Country of origin simply means it can happen all of the world. When you see, you’ll know what I was talking about. I hope you have the same fear of the dark, the kind you had when you were a little kid.

Now I know you don’t go into horror pictures thinking you’re simply going to be entertained for a couple hours (its probably formulaically 90 minutes). What would give you the impression that you were supposed to sit in your seat, eat your popcorn and keep your mouth shut? Is that what Hollywood has been doing to/for you lately? Entertaining you? [REC] is a picture that plays on your fears and picks them out one by one. [REC] shows you each fear and then begs for you to deal with it. Hey, if you wanted to be entertained you would have gone to see the Last Action Hero remake. You would have seen the latest coming of age drama or perhaps a road movie with endless laughs at the expense of your basic slap stick aficionado entering the 21st century. I’m gonna say this, and I’ll even repeat it so we get it straight. YOU ARE ALLOWED TO SCREAM AT A HORROR MOVIE!!! … one more time… with feeling… YOU ARE ALLOWED TO SCREAM AT HORROR MOVIES!!!

Remember how I asked you to forget about Quarantine? Well now I want you to take the memories you had of Quarantine and analyze them with me for a second. The reason you love Quarantine so much is because it entertains you so well. It’s what our Hollywood machine has come to do ever so well. There’s been some discussion about where American horror movies have gone wrong and why. Our obvious scapegoat is the remake. The remake is the cash cow for any would be horror production. Take the proven film and capitalize on its good name, but make sure to update it and give it our pretty finish so that it appeals to a larger audience. In short, let’s entertain our audience as we’ve done since the early days of film. This same holds true for the majority of non-remake films put out by Hollywood that are prepared for the masses. Clean it up. Add the laugh track. Show enough skin to excited, but make sure the film takes a PG-13 rating or you lose a million bucks a day (if you lucky).

The fundamental argument between [REC] and Quarantine, the argument that seems to make folks like Quarantine better than [REC] is the Turtle Wax. It is the Vaudeville. The fine tuned production value with the near perfect cam work and actors with which you are somewhat familiar. When you step into see Quarantine you say, “entertain me”. When you walk out the door at the end of the picture you say, “That was a great movie”. When you leave the theater after watching [REC] you feel uneasy and maybe even a little sick. Scared or not you have seen things that you won’t soon free from your mind’s eye. This is the value of a horror movie. It does not entertain you. It disgusts. It plays tricks with your perception of what is and is not real. It forces you to challenge reality and forces you to keep watching. The entire movie plays out like the queue for a roller coaster building up tension. When you actually get on the ride it’s a short ride but a powerful experience that has your vocal chords stretched and mouth agape.

[REC] Trailer:

[REC]2 Trailer:

[REC]3 Trailer:

So I hope you see [REC] instead of Quarantine. I hope you watch [REC]2 to continue one of my favorite horror stories in recent memories. When [REC]3 rears its head I hope it makes story into the stuff of legend. Something that will scare your kids and your kids’ kids. There are plenty of independent and foreign films out there waiting to devour you. They might not tickle your dick, but they’ll certainly bite it off if you’re not careful.

-Dr. Terror

Movies to Scare The Sh!t Out of You: TOURIST TRAP

2011-10-22T18:26:00.000-07:00

This week we are going to be exploring some of the movies that I find pretty darn terrifying. Most likely you’ve heard of these films, but I think they’re worth brining up again. Discussing why we think they’re scary. Sure, you’re not going to find them all as powerful as I have and in fact some of them have very laughable qualities, but try to find the horror in them. Please enjoy our first terrifying entry.

Chuck Connors was in Tourist Trap. Chuck Connors was also in Soylent Green alongside Charlton Heston. Chuck Connors was in many a Western. He also played the head of Camp South Pines in Summer Camp Nightmare. Chuck Connors is as versatile a B lister as you’d ever wanna meet in Hollywood. What we come to expect is a rough character. A man’s man. Friendly at times, but overall I think that the grit of his voice would make you believe that he smokes a pack a day and maybe takes a few nips of the bottle as well (which is speculation at best). You know what else Chuck does? Scares the every loving fuck out of me. As much as I try to put together warm fuzzy images of Connors in any other role I’ve seen him in… as much as I recognize him for being a fairly genius actor that would go unrecognized by the masses… as terrified as I am of him, Chuck Connors is no longer Chuck Connors.

HERE’S SLAUSEN!!!

Tourist Trap was released in 1979. Received a PG rating from the MPAA initially and was recut to prevent kids from seeing it. Director David Schmoeller never intended this to be something for children. The violence in this picture can easily make it on to television today. There’s no nudity to speak of. No cursing really. This movie relies on none of the horror window dressings that help keep the kiddies at bay. So it becomes perfect fodder for network TV afternoon showings. Maybe the 4 O’Clock movie. Well that’s where I saw it when I was a youngen. My old sister and I have a collective memory about this film and none of it good.

Years after we first watched it, we’d sit down and share the story, independently, of a horror film so shocking that we had to see it. We remember that there was a scene in a basement. We remembered that there was a man in a mask that sort of kind of looked like a hockey mask, but it definitely wasn’t Jason Voorhees. As I’m telling her what I remember all I can think about is Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter when the hiker goes into the basement. I know it’s not the correct movie, but I watch it over and over again hoping that I find relief. I never tell her that I used to watch Friday 4 obsessively seeking out the dreaded basement sequence of our youth. I remember a strange voice, but no words. Neither does she, and then one day her fiancé says the words “Tourist Trap” and everything becomes more clear. Like a nightmare as a child being explained. There was relief in find out that Tourist Trap existed. What was not relieving was watching it again.

So I pick up the movie from Netflix and throw it in the DVD player mid-day. I don’t know what to expect, but the minute the root menu comes on I hear an almost distantly familiar theme song composed by Pino Donaggio. Who uses instruments like these in the score to a horror film? It was downright unsettling and really didn’t give me much of a basis for what would be in store which ultimately would be equally unsettling. Next time you hear a wood block or a slide whistle you’ll think of Tourist Trap just as I couldn’t stop thinking of that strangely masked face.

Ever watch a horror picture during the day time… no theater to protect you. Sunny day, warm… summertime? You don’t get the heebie jeebies easy. It takes some work to get the adrenal pumping. The opening sequence of this film finds a young man, lost searching for assistance in a seemingly abandon tourist trap, a museum of sorts decided to part you sooner rather than later with your money. Finding no one immediately available our wanderer explorers the trap further and ends up meeting his demise at the hands of stark raving chaotic insanity. Mannequin heads and part communicating their tension through strange bit of laughter. Strange jaws dropping open. Electric energy and inanimate objects being tossed around by an unknown force. Finally a knife in the back from a cabinet across the room dissolves the tension. The voices are quiet. The mannequins rest and the man is dead. All of this happens mid-day, and fulfills the promise that my childhood made for this film.

I’ve seen Mannequin. It’s about Andrew McCarthy trying to bone a piece of wood right? That’s the gist anyway. You find a mannequin that comes to life after a journey of centuries. How about Today’s Special. Remember that one? The showing Nickelodeon about a mannequin that comes to life when you put his hat on (nice hat). Well the mannequins in Tourist Trap, and there are many, come to life at the psychic will of one Mr. Slausen.. or really his alter ego Davey. There’s no hat to act as an on off switch and none of them would have a past life regression that ends in Egyptian royalty. These are some creepy baddies. As previously mentioned the mouths drop open. They “scream” The simply stare you down. Stare through you. Terrorize. If you thought your fear of ventriloquists was bad wait’ll you get a load of these ladies. What’s better? They’re made from humans who find their way into … THE TRAP.

And that brings us to the basement. Let’s step back and get a feel for what this movie is about.

Synopsis from IMDB:

“Teenagers come across a shut-in psychopath with telekinetic powers. He proceeds to use these powers to slay them one by one as well as animate the various mannequins he uses to keep himself company.”

Now back to the basement. The mannequins in question are created by Mr. Slausen aka Davy. They are created from real people. Trapped people. The method of formation appears to be covering the victims face in a type of wax which will cast as if paper mache. From there all the victim has to do is die… of an exploding heart as Davy tells us. Show this to a young child and then have the bad guy repeat the words isn’t she pretty a couple o’ times. You have nightmare ready material. I look back to all the images I have that terrify me. All the little bits and pieces of childhood phobia. I’d say that this film somehow has inspired a few of them. Uncertainty in basements which may at first seem natural but is slightly more than overwhelming. The sound Connors uses to create the vocal present for Davy emerges in this basement sequence. Throatier than usual. Scratchy. Deep and brooding. Of course the nice young lady on the table in the sequence in question does die. She dies of heart explosion or stoppage or fright or psychic will to stop the heart.

Beyond the sequence that has stuck with my sister and I from our childhood, a scene that continues to haunt us both, the movie is quite good. Definitely has that late 70’s slasher feel, but has a quirky psychic twist. Once you start down the road the museum of animatronic dummies you enter a world that is filled with feelings of redemption followed by unbridled failure and helplessness that could easily rival the Texas Chainsaw Massacre in some of its chase scenes. You’ll never know who’s real. You’ll never know what’s real. You will die trying.

Without a doubt in my mind Tourist Trap is a terrifying movie and only fails today due to some of the dated camera/film issues and the simple fact that it was shot with late 70’s mannerisms. I urge you to let yourself be immersed in this film. To let yourself be scared. To try watching it in the dark, alone in the house or with someone who actually gets scared at horror pictures of unsettling movies. It just might stick with you. Or give you the nightmares you’ve been trying to unremember for years.

Remember to listen to Pino’s awesome score:

-Dr. Davy.

EXHUMED 24 HOUR HORROR-THON WEEK: CITY OF THE WALKING DEAD AKA NIGHTMARE CITY

2011-10-21T19:14:00.000-07:00

You grow up watching horror movies and by a certain age you start to believe that you’ve seen everything. I’ve seen slasher flicks. I’ve seen Halloween, Friday the 13th, Nightmare on Elm Street, My Bloody Valentine… list-o-mania ensues and you sound like a Leonard Maltin’s guide to slasher films. No one questions your street cred and you feel pretty confident that, with the exception of a few flicks from Japan and Europe, you’ve seen the best of the best. Zombie flicks? Night of the Living Dead, Dawn of the Dead, Day of the Dead, Return of the… on and on and on… You’ve seen them. It’s cool. You might as well say you know George Romero and Tom Savini. Hell, you were the middle segment in the human centipede made up of the two of ‘em. Savini eats way too many beans. Romero needs a shave. You get complacent. You feel self assured. Confident. Cocky. And behind closed doors… before you go to sleep at night… just when you think you’ve done and seen it all (isn’t this exaggeration grand?) Umberto Lenzi comes up and adds another segment on the centipede… in the form of a NIGHTMARE (city).

NOW THEY ARE EVERYWHERE! THERE IS NOT ESCAPE!

Trailer for Nightmare City (I refer to it as City of the Walking Dead because the cut I saw was called City of the Walking Dead):

When zombies and boobs are in the same frame in a film, you have to choose which one lives (?) zombies or boobs. Flip a coin?

Ladies and germs if you have not seen City of the Walking Dead aka Nightmare City aka Incubo Sulla Citta Contaminata than you must see this gorgeous piece of zombie/radiation zombie mastery. My first time seeing it was a couple of years ago at the Exhumed 24 Hour Horror-thon Part 3. I guess it follows every zombie trope to a T circa 1980. No stone left unturned except now there’s some kind of radiation zapped, Toxic Avenger appearance. There’s a madness. The Zombies use weapons! And, THEY ARRIVE BY PLANE!!!

Synopsis:

“TV news reporter Dean Miller waits at an unnamed European airport for the arrival of a scientist that he is about to interview regarding a recent nuclear accident. An unmarked military plane makes an emergency landing. The plane doors open and dozens of zombies burst out and begin stabbing and shooting the military personnel waiting outside. Miller tries to let the people know of this event, but General Murchison of Civil Defense will not allow it. Miller tries to find his wife and escape from the bloodthirsty zombies that are overrunning the city.”

You’re in for some great special effects and by great I mean corny as hell, fresh for the early 80’s. Creepy because these walking dead don’t feel like the walking dead you’ve seen before. If you’re familiar with zombie pictures than your first thought is either Romero zombies of Boyle zombies. Nope. Zombies that can use tool have this feeling of watching apes ants with sticks.

Hugo Stiglitz AND Mel Ferrer…. In one movie! Now these two names may not mean much to the average viewer but these guys are more famous than Justin Bieber… among certain circles. Hugo Stiglitz is a Mexican bon actor who’s been in an endless number of films since his premier in 1969. He’s even got a character named after him in Tarantino’s version of Inglorious Basterds. Mel Ferrer was born in good ol’ New Jersey. His list of films is as impressive if not more so than Stiglitz. Movies like Eaten Alive (1977), Screamers (1979) – Island of the Fishmen, Wait Until Dark (1967).. this guy’s all over the place. Enjoy watching two veterans in their prime. If my tone suggests I’m kidding I can assure you that I am NOT KIDDING… okay, I’m kidding this much (measure a small distance between in your index finger and thumb that seems appropriately small to the amount you feel I might be kidding… if you fail to have enough room between those two digits, pick two digits or other appendages to calculate an accurate estimate of the distance of your choosing). Moving on…

Here is your creepy movie soundtrack of the day courtesy of Nightmare City. Doesn’t it have the feeling of music from the Nintendo Entertainment System (that’s NES for you N64 dorks).

I’m thinking Ninja Gaiden or Contra. Maybe there were plans to bring City of the Walking Dead to the small screen under a third party license for Nintendo. Maybe Atari! Maybe I need to cut down on the amount of sugar I ingest in one sitting and stick to the facts. But just so we’re certain… check out this:

Or maybe this:

Enjoy this fun walk at the amusement park. If this scene doesn’t have you convinced that you’ve missed a classic nothing will.

Now if you’ve missed this picture you may have missed a few other zombie classics so the mandate that you think you’ve seen everything should be checked before you are wrecked. Think Let Sleeping Corpses Lie aka Living Dead at the Manchester Morgue. Think Dr. Butcher MD aka Zombie Holocaust. When you think zombie film, think Italy and not just Lucio Fulci. This Lenzi offering is sure to make you laugh or scream. Try both at the time same time if you’re tired of either laughing or screaming.

This is a film so wonderful that I had to purchase a shirt to match my mood. Now as I’ve stated before I like to refer to Nightmare City as City of the Walking Dead because that’s how it was initially presented to me. It gives me that feeling of watching a sister film to Fulci’ City of the LIVING Dead. There is no connection save the Italian Connection. Furthermore this is credited as an Italian-Spanish co-production. I’ll have you know that the combination of Italian and Spanish in a producing capacity for the horror genre creates legendary works of cinema.
THE NIGHTMARE BECOMES REALITY...

Dr. Nightmare… uh hmm… I mean Dr. Terror

EXHUMED FILMS 24 HOUR HORROR-THON WEEK: WICKED, WICKED BRINGS YOU DUO-VISION!!!

2011-10-20T18:40:00.000-07:00

Let me be completely honest. I have not seen Wicked, Wicked in its entirety because it remains somewhat unavailable to me. That is not to say that I will not see it someday, but I have not watched the full film in its entirety. I have, however, watched several clips from both YouTube and TCM Underground, so I have a working knowledge of the film and the near William Castle fanfare it seems to have raised back in its hay day… if what it had can be considered a hay day.

Synopsis from our dear brother in the war against obscurity, IMDB:

“A tongue-in-cheek psycho movie in "Duo-vision." The entire feature employs the split-screen technique used in parts of Brian De Palma's "Sisters" that same year. As a handyman at a seacoast hotel, Randolph Roberts wears a monster mask while he kills and dismembers women with blond hair.”

Also from Wiki (a more balanced view):

” The Grandview is a sprawling Californian hotel with a terrible secret: single blonde visitors who check in don't check out. Hotel detective Rick Stewart (David Bailey) begins investigating what's happened to a handful of vanishing guests but he soon becomes personally involved when his brunette ex-wife, Lisa James (Tiffany Bolling), arrives for a singing engagement at the hotel. When Lisa dons a blonde wig for her performance, she finds herself the next target of a psychopathic killer.”

If you told me that somebody decided they wanted to make a film about dismembering women with blond hair and felt the need to try a gimmick like split screen through the movie I might tell you that I have black hair. I guess imitation is the greatest form of flattery and if so Brian DePalma must have felt pretty darn good about Wicked, Wicked. He also used the split screen technique in Carrie at the end as you may remember which was ultra super mega effective. The technique was also used in the documentary/film Woodstock for what it’s worth; a film that might be considered by many to be equally if not more creepy than Sisters or Carrie combined.

Trailer:

Seeing as this movie is rather difficult to get your hands on and that it is in duo-vision, Exhumed Films truly did their audience members a great service by showing this picture at the second Exhumed 24 Hour Horror-thon. What better way is there to see a movie that is divided into two pictures? I’m sure your 60 inch, hi def television set can handle it, but there’s nothing quite like the scale of a theatrical viewing. Side note: Do they still call them “television sets”? Just curious.

I suppose you could say that one of the highlights is the theme song “Wicked, Wicked” performed by Tiffany Bolling who plays one of the leads. I’m not going to say its for all tastes. I will encourage you to listen to it from a historical perspective and think of films like Gold Finger where the title of the film is used in the many theme song constructed for the film. Tiffany Bolling was also in Open House from 1988 and, infinitely more important, Kingdom of the Spiders. Now if you’ve been reading this blog for any amount of time you know I have a soft spot in my heart for Kingdome of the Spiders, so this automatically qualifies as a very important discovery (that she is in something else of merit). She is credited with some other TV work and is listed as a singer. She also posed for Playboy in the April 1972 issue of Playboy. That in itself is not necessarily of any real importance except that I actually owned this issue when I was a young buck. I could tell you stories about this magazine that would turn most people bright shining red. I’ll refrain.

I’d say another highlight of the film is the mask and butcher knife approach. I don’t know that I would call this movie a slasher picture, but it definitely carries out some of the iconic images that would become popular in later slasher films. Most likely another film influenced by Psycho. Still, that mask was really very unique. Might as well have been wearing a Tor Johnson mask.

The film is quite effective at times, and I’m not completely certain that if you didn’t put better actors/actresses in here that you might not have ended up with a fine picture. There are definitely uses for this style of film especially to misdirect your horror fan. Think of how misdirection gets the jump scare to work or lack of misdirection drops the jump scare on its ass. It’s the typical haunted house style scare. Duo-Vision/split screen is perfect for this kind of misdirection. While I know many aren’t fans of the jump scare, this kind of film technique might make it work properly and create a fun viewing experience. I’ve included some clips below from the film so you can get an idea of how this technique was employed in Wicked, Wicked.

Opening Sequence:

Rusty Pipes sequences (creepy-ish):

You can definitely see the charm in this to be sure. Clearly not Oscar winning material though. I’ll stick with Carrie and Sisters for now. Also, appreciate the organ work in the opening sequence. It’s apparently from the music used in the original Phantom of the Opera. Creepy and overdramatic. It saves the questionable acting. I’m not sure that I dislike Wicked, Wicked, but I can safely tell you that I love duovision and I adore the organ music. It’s from one of my favorite times in filmmaking.

Make your way over to TCM Underground and enjoy not only Wicked, Wicked, but anything you can get your hands on. This site is a must for fans of the more obscure pictures.

TCM Underground

-Dr. Terror.

EXHUMED FILMS 24 HOUR HORROR-THON WEEK: EQUINOX (THE PREQUEL TO EVIL DEAD?)

2011-10-19T18:43:00.000-07:00

If Equinox is truly the inspiration for Evil Dead I would not be surprised, but I’m not going to put all my chips on it. Exhumed Films showed this $6,500 budget film at their second 24 hour horror-thon and while I wasn’t there to appreciate it you can bet your pants that the crowd was rolling with laughter while trying to appreciate what a filmmaker with a pinched budget can accomplish. I suppose if you release a rather low budget film in 1970, make it for next to nothing , recoup your budget (this one better have) then you have a successful picture. How successful? Just ask the Criterion Collection. Now I realize that Criterion has the same good and bad days as everyone and has been known to accept film into its little club with some indiscretion at times. Never the less, people respect ‘em. Code word: Janus.

The film was actually made in 1967 and was titled The Equinox... A Journey into the Supernatural before it was shortened and its final release in 1970 with a more serious push toward the horror side of the tracks. It was also known as The Beast (which is as generic as calling bread Wonder). Let’s see what we’re leading you into. From the database that plays know-it-all to the film community:

“Four friends are attacked by a demon while on a picnic, due to possession of a tome of mystic information. Told in flashbacks by the sole survivor.”

I have to admit, when I read that I think Evil Dead even without Bruce Campbell or Sam Raimi or the Necronomicon (in name anyway). I suppose its better to address whether we give a rat’s ass whether Raimi did snatch a few concepts from Equinox. Answer: No. The good that has been done for society due to the release of Evil Dead and its sequels far surpasses your petty copyright claim. Moving on…

“You will not escape! In one year and one day, you will be DEAD!”

The real value of Equinox is to the indy filmmaker not the audience. It showed the world what was possible on even the smallest of small budgets. Hollywood be damned. While it has some very impressive monster effects for stop animation/claymation style that less than Harryhausen, the film does not suffer for its artistic short coming in monster design. In fact, the genius of the monsters, the originality and the ability to capture the devil or a devil or a demon clay may have been just the thing that was ever so relevant to its audience. I suppose with H.R.Pufnstuf and the popularity of LSD didn’t hurt the film’s chances of success. This picture should be doomed to a Mystery Science Theatre 3000 episode and lauded alongside Plan 9 from Outer Space or Manos: The Hand of Fate. I don’t think you see that comparison often if at all.

Do yourself a favor and sit through the whole movie. You might just find its your newest guilty pleasure. Exhumed Films gave this movie a chance and that means something.

-Dr. Terror vs. The Evil Dead vs Equinox

(and it's not a pre-quel... sillies)

EXHUMED FILMS 24 HOUR HORROR-THON WEEK: DRACULA VS. FRANKENSTEIN... Sometimes Too Much Camp is a Bad Thing

2011-10-18T19:10:00.000-07:00

What goes on at Oakmoor Cemetery? Only Count Dracula knows for sure. I am at a loss for words. Dracula Vs. Frakenstein... This movie was so intensely bad I hesitate evening writing about it. This was apparently the crowd consensus at the Exhumed 24 Hour Horror-thon when it played. People were awestruck by how bad it was and not necessarily in a laugh out loud and clap way. Now I wasn’t there, but every single time someone mentions Raw Force the immediate following references is either Boardinghouse (because it was damn funny) or this picture because it just wasn’t funny even though it was supposed to be.

From IMDB:

“Dracula conspires with a mad doctor to resurrect the Frankenstein Monster.”

Well that was simple. This description would have you believe that this film is almost the first Rocky picture. Apollo Creed conspires with his manager to raise a starving, hungry fighter. Well you know how Rocky turns out.

Highlights of this movie will include seeing Forrest J. Ackerman and Lon Chaney, Jr. Also Zandor Vorkov as Dracula isn’t scary. It isn’t good or a great acting job, but it’s different. The voice and the look. Maybe that’s not such a bad thing. For as interesting as Dracula looks Frankenstein’s Monster reminds me of a year old Prune. The monster isn’t scary. Dracula’s vocal effects… scary. Oh and of course there are boobs so at least there’s that.

From what I’ve read on this picture, Lon Chaney Jr signed on when the movie was called Blood Seekers BEFORE Dracula and Frankenstien were involved. That says to me that this movie was going nowhere before they decided to throw a bunch of proven monsters into the mix. It absolutely does not save the film from lobotomizing. But I suppose it is Lon Chaney’s final horror film so its worth watching solely for that. Maybe fans of Spider Baby will find the humor in this picture.

Remember that Troma distributed this picture so all in all you’ve at least got an independent hand in the cinematic works. Also remember there are boobs and… a guillotine. Now we truly are grasping at straws. Maybe the amazing poster art and Famous Monsters cover will make up where the film is completely lacking? Just a wide variety of artwork out there.

You know what this movie needs? Well, it’s 1971 and this has both Drac and Frank… WHERE THE FUCK IS CHRISTOPHER LEE!? Making Dracula 1972 AD and shakin’ his goove thing most likely.

-Dr. Drakenstein